Do the Stanley (L2)

Hello everyone. In a desperate attempt to keep you all reading to the end, this month there's a quiz. Which 70's band had a song with the same title as this aticle? The answer will be at the end, but no cheating by scrolling down!

Anyway - my first home match for a month as I missed the Burton game. So in the search for new experiences, I decided to try a new route to the stadium from my North Beds home. I decided to go via Cardiff. And since my satnav was feeling playful, it sent me via Birmingham and Ross-On- Wye. An interesting route, if perhaps a bit longer than my usual one! Actually there was method in my madness. My daughter is at uni in Cardiff and needed all her stuff taking down. So rather than go to footy today and drive down to Cardiff tomorrow (when one possible route would take me past the stadium on the way there and back) I combined both trips, thus saving three hours worth of driving and quite a lot of petrol. So, an early start, down to Cardiff and back to the stadium. A good trip - in fact I managed to get back to the stadium by 1 pm. Normally that would have meant a long wait until the match, but OxVox were having a question and answer session with Kelvin before kickoff - starting at about 1pm (good timing).

It was an interesting session with Kelvin, and I'm sure the meeting notes will be released soon, so I won't bother with any half baked efforts here. Suffice to say that Kelvin was his normal self and dealt with all the questions put to him. Including those put by 'Ken'. Those of you who listen to Radio Oxford will doubtless be familiar with Ken's contributions to football phone ins. His 'contribution' to the meeting was in much the same vein. Enough said.

If you want to hear from the owner of the club, apparently he is going to do a similar Q&A session sometime - you might want to join OxVox if you aren't a member already. It's cheap and gives the fans some sort of voice with the club.

Kelvin had let us know that there were injury problems with Ryan James (which we knew about) and Harry Worley (which we didn't) - so it wasn't a real surprise that Whing was filling in for the suspended Wright as Duberry's partner in the middle of defence. So it was Clarke - Davis Whing Duberry Batt - McLaren Leven Heslop - Hall (R) Constable Potter.

We started off in our favoured way - playing towards the fence end. Now Accrington haven't been pulling up trees this season, so it was rather a surprise how good they were. Or maybe how good we made them look. A lack of challenging in midfield let a Stanley player just wander down the middle of the pitch and (as the reorganised central defence looked at each other) have a free shot. Luckily he missed. It looked as if that had been put to rights a couple of minutes later as another Stanley attacker was given the freedom of the penalty area. He smacked the ball against the post and a couple of red-shirted attackers were there for the rebound - one of whom put the ball in the net past Clarke. The lino had other ideas, awarding offside. Now I can't be sure, but since nobody touched the ball since the original shot (and I don't think anyone was offside when the original shot was hit) I very much suspect that we got away with one there. Four minutes gone and we could very easily have been two down. I know we are slow starters but this was ridiculous.

Peter Leven whacked a shot at the Stanley goal since the strikers weren't going to. The goalie held it. Then Clarke made two fine saves in a minute. First he managed to get fingertips to a shot that was going in the top corner, and then he somehow managed to get a header away at his far post from the ensuing quadrant kick (I didn't want to say corner again in the same sentence. But it was a corner). Two excellent saves. The first one especially was the equivalent of a striker scoring a great goal. Sometimes I think it is hard on goalkeepers, as their mistakes or failures to save are noted on the score sheet. A striker doesn't get noticed in quite the same way. About 20 minutes gone, and we could well have been three down.

If you want to know what the rest of our team were doing during this time, the answer is 'not much'. The whole team was completely disjointed - which couldn't be explained just by a change of centreback. It was all much too slow, Constable was on his own centrally in attack and was being marked out of the game. The midfield had given up tackling, and running into space had obviously not been on this week's training schedule. Potter refused to stay wide and drifted all over the place - often meaning that there was no outlet up the line for the defence to try and relieve the pressure. Davis was making some decent runs up the left hand side, but quite often there was only the double-marked Constable in the middle to try and cross to. Heslop put one well over the bar from distance but that was about the extent of our attacking threat.

Then after about half an hour, we somehow took the lead. McLaren took a pot at goal from a free kick. It was going well, well wide. Then a Stanley defender got in the way, it deflected wickedly and looped into the middle of the goal. Blimey. That was no shots on target, one goal. Would it be our day?

Constable decided that if he couldn't do much up front, he might as well make a difference elsewhere on the pitch and was helping out at the back, in midfield and anywhere else the ball was. It's something I like about his play, but when he is the lone central striker, he shouldn't really have to be doing it! He did have one excellent shot blocked by the goalies legs, but the offside flag was already waving. Something else that was waving was the referees arm, mostly with his hand holding a yellow card in the direction of a Stanley player. However it was a feature of the ref's play that he was quite happy to make decisions in the middle area of the pitch, but was obviously reluctant to give either team much in a very dangerous position. He wasn't very good.

Half time came. Somehow we were in the lead. How Accrington weren't level or even well ahead must have baffled them as they sat in the changing rooms sucking their half-time orange quarters. Do they still do that or is it all isotonic drinks etc? I think I know the answer really.

As was mentioned to me by an astute observer at half time, it's a bit odd that the subs spend all half time warming up. If they aren't going to come on imminently then it's a bit of a waste of time, if they are going to come on then surely they should be in the changing-room listening to the managers pearls of wisdom? They can always do that running up and down the touchline thing can't they. Substitutes (all one of them) used to sit in the dugouts smoking a fag or two and drinking beer before they came on, didn't they?

So - no changes at half time. Let's hope that the second half performance would be the good half (since we only seem to get half a match of decent stuff at home). Not much happened for the first seven or eight minutes. Good - surely that's what we wanted. Stanley were looking like less of an attacking threat, and we were starting (just starting, mind you) to look a bit more comfortable in posession. Then for some reason, CW decided to make a double substitution. I don't hold with this unless things are going patently belly-up, and especially to do what was done in this case: replacing two players in midfield at the same time. Off came McLaren and Heslop, on came Haworth and Payne. Oh lord. McLaren is the shield that protects the back four, especially the centre backs, especially a new and slightly uncertain centre back pairing. Payne doesn't do that, being a more 'flair' player. Heslop at least challenges for the ball centrally. Haworth is a wide player.

So now we had three wide players on the pitch (Hall, Haworth and Potter), one central striker, Leven and Payne in central midfield. Now it's fairly well proven this season that with McLaren on the pitch we let in a lot less goals than when he isn't there. But he is always being subbed. To old, too unfit? Apparently not according to his post match interview, he wants to (and can) play the full 90 minutes. So why oh why is he being constantly subbed?

Constable was quick to latch onto a centrally lofted free kick (Leven I think) but could only hit it staright at the close and getting rapidly closer keeper. But it was Stanley who looked more likely to score next, and despite another classy save from Clarke, they did so on about the hour mark. A bad clearance (straight to a red shirt, not for the first or last time) was whacked straight past Clarke to level the scores. No more than Stanley deserved. They had actually outclassed the home team for long periods of the game without any rewards.

The wind was now in Stanley's sails you'd have thought, but they actually started to play for the draw now. The Us attack didn't look likely to change the outcome of the game until the last five minutes or so, when the prospect of being bollocked by the manager after yet another home draw seemed to get them going. Hall was taken off and replaced by Smalley, to no great effect. A spell of sustained pressure lead to a Doobs header clipping off the top of the crossbar, but that was about it.

Man of the Match - Clarke by a country mile.

I'm not sure the team deserved the chorus of boos that greeted them at the final whistle, really. It had indeed been a very poor performance, but I'd have thought there was some credit in the bank from the last two away trips. I suspect the people booing don't bother with away trips in the main though.

Glass half full - undefeated at home, only a couple of points off the playoffs.
Glass half empty - seven points at home out of a possible 15 is midtable form at best.

Since ten have gone, I'll make my prediction for the season. We will either make the final play off spot, or miss it by one place. So 7th or 8th.

Next match is away at Hereford. I've had enough of driving Walesward and Hereford is a three hour drive for me, I'll probably give it a miss.

Oh - Stackridge!

Giving bad Barnet a trim (L2)

Well, having missed the two previous matches (away for Burton, couldn't face the maximum 50mph M1 and the congested M25 at rush hour for Daggers) this was one I was looking forward to. The jalopy has been 'repaired', costing more than the car is worth (actually the OUFC sticker on the back window is probably more valuable than the car) but it works again. It managed to get me and the family back and forth to Cornwall, so maybe it will be OK for a while.

So , down the maximum 50mph M1 and the congested M25 (doh!) to Barnet, who had won their last match. Admittedly their last match was against the hapless Plymouth, but even so. I left a bit earlier than I would normally - I'm sure those of you who have been reading this blog a while (and those who have driven to a match at Barnet of course) will remember that the 'car park' is actually the car park of High Barnet station. Only £1.50, but there aren't that many spaces, and some of them are inconsiderately used by people who actually want to use the tube. But I got there early enough to get a space, and sat eating my lunch and listening to Arsenal making a complete Horlicks of their match at Blackburn. There were lots of people driving into the car park during all this excitement (cold pizza and some crisps, if you're asking - I know how to live) and not finding any spaces. I hope everyone got somewhere reasonably close.

Once Blackburn scored their fourth (!), I made my way over to Underhill, home of hairy Hobbits. Except he wasn't starting, apparently having been send out by Evil Wizard Lorisanchez to buy some more pipeweed. Our team was the same as started at Dagenham - which meant my first sight of new boy Robert Hall. So, Clarke - Batt Wright Duberry Davis - Heslop McLaren Leven - Hall Constable Potter. Subs were Smalley Whing Payne Worley and other new loanee Andy Haworth.

We were housed in the east Stand (home from home!) which runs down the side of the pitch. Its divided into two with what looks like the stuff you put over strawberries to stop the birds nicking them. Barnet fans one end, us the other. There's a slope.

The north face of the Barnet slope

Two things got in my way to start with - a pillar and a pillock.

Annoying pillar and grinning pillock

Anyway, we kicked off playing left to right, wearing the blue and white away kit. I suppose there might have been a clash with the road mender orange that Barnet wear. Mind you the ref obviously didn't think so, as he wore yellow. Hi-Vis yellow. Normally people who wear hi-vis yellow jackets are jumped up jobsworths with ideas above their station, and inflated ideas of their own competence. Unfortunately Mr Berry in general conformed to this stereotype.

By kickoff it was getting pretty crowded in the Oxford part of the ground. Here is a picture of the massed ranks of Barnet faithful. Good job Aresenal weren't at home eh!


That's slightly unfair, as it was five minutes before kickoff. The crowd at that end swelled to about 25 eventually. I'd found a nice open part of the crowded Oxford terrace, only to realise why it was unpopulated as the first drips from the corroded gutter piping above me went down my neck. At least I hope it was a gutter and nothing to do with the toilets. I moved. Straight into the smelly smoke from a yellow smoke bomb. Cough.

Anyway, the match now started, us playing up hill. Alfie put a nice cross it that Beano arrived too late to connect with and Barnet started by playing the ball about reasonably well, if completely unthreateningly. Their main weapon were their corners of which they had a few in the first half of the first half. We looked dangerous on the break, but it seemed we'd gone one behind after about 20 minutes when Barnet got the ball in the net. But in homage to the Rugby World cup, a Barnet player had used an arm, so the referee gave a knock-on and we had a free kick. The Barnet crowd to our left (who had briefly woken from their pipeweed induced slumber to say hurrah!) shut up again. I had previously assumed that I hadn't been able to hear them singing, shouting or cheering their side on because of some fiendish trick of accoustics. But I heard them then. Which meant that there was no singing, cheering or shouting actually going on, the other side of the strawberry netting for the majority of the time. 'Lets pretend that we're at home' sang the yellow army. We might as well have been.

The ref was having a mare. He was giving free kicks every time a Barnet player got touched by an Oxford one. So we hated him. But in many cases, Barnet would rather have played on as they had the advantage (a rule that the ref didn't apply). So the Barnet lot hated him as well. But two wrongs don't make a right. He was dreadful. His booking of Jake Wright around this time was probably fair enough - Jake had let the attacker get the wrong side of him and brought him down. Barnet lumped the free kick towards their tall lumberng forwards to no effect.

Shortly afterwards, we went ahead. Alfie popped up on the left wing for a change, Leven spotted him and sent in a peach of a pass, Alfie collected it and sent in a low cross that was partially cleared. Now if there's one person in the Oxford team that, as an opposition defender, you wouldn't want to see on the outskirts of you penalty box with the ball, time and the whole goal to aim for - it would be Simon Heslop. The ball fell to him, he looked up, picked his spot and drove it into the net. The odd thing was that as soon as he got the ball under control, I and everyone around me, was just expecting the net to bulge. He didn't even vaguely look as if he was going to miss. An classy and composed finish. We went loopy of course. Excellent. One up with a quarter of an hour until half time. Could we hold the lead until then? Well, Barnet came straight back at us, and there were a couple of frantic moments in the Oxford penalty area, including a handball/penalty shout against Jake Wright. But the ball was lashed at him from about three yards, and his hands weren't waving about - so no penalty.

Hall then put in a good cross that there was no forward quick enough to catch up with, and we had a couple of other shots blocked. But then we did score. The excellent Liam Davis gathered the ball, passed inside to Leven. Leven with his second 'assist' (I hate that) of the match returned the ball to him - Davis had carried on his run, gathered the ball and smashed it into the side netting. Cue polite applause all around me. A good move. But hold on, why were our players all mobbing Davis? Why was the ref running back towards the centre spot? Why were the shoulders of the Barnet players drooping even lower? Well, of course - it was a goal! Everyone on the yellow terrace thought it had missed. Everyone was wrong. Eveyone including me is going to have to watch the highlights! Brilliant. After a moment or two of silence - more pandemonium. We kept going forward in search of a third, but half time (and a timely tackle on Alfie by a Barnet defender) put paid to that. Peep! Half time.

No dancing girls, just a little lad running up the centre line on his birthday. Generous applause from all supporters. Aaah.

Unless I've got that wrong, and it was Sam Deering doing his warm up. The diminutive ex-Us player came on for the second half. He didn't get much of a welcome from the Us fans , good or bad. He obviously does get a decent welcome from the local pie shops (wouldn't be any of those nasty foreign food places, would it Sam?) - he's grown a bit sideways if not vertically. He was rubbish. Kept losing the ball, hitting it straight out of play, running down blind alleys. All the while, somehow looking promising. It's a good trick, but one that the Oxford management eventually saw through.

Oxford started the half well, looking to increase their lead. Barnet defended decently, with players throwing themselves in front of the ball to stop us. Davis got booked for nothing much, fouls that one side got penalised for were let go for the other and apparently you can be offside even if you've started your run from your own half when the ball was kicked. Sigh.

Clarke made a good flying save, the Barnet goalie made a lucky save with an outstretched leg from Beano. Barnet had given up playing much football though and Sanchez, perhaps reverting to crazy gang type, had obviously decided that route one football was the order of the day. Hoof went the ball. Head went Duberry. Hoof went the ball. Head went Duberry. Sam Deering was probably getting neckache just watching. A Barnet forward had a headed chance, but headed down too much and the ball lofted over the bar. Clarke would have got it if it had been on target, as it was at a fairly tight angle.

Haworth came on for Heslop, showing some immediate touches of class and impressive pace, and couple of Leven free kicks caused trouble in the Barnet area, with one in particular being cleared either very luckily or extremely skillfully over his own bar by a Barnet player. With about a quarter of an hout to go, the influential McLaren went off to be replace by Whing in central defensive midfield (where he looks happier than at right back to be honest) and Constable went off to be replaced by Smalley. Smalley quickly made a decent chance for hiself, but was denied by the Barnet keeper. Haworth was booked, and Barnet hit the post. It could have made for a nervy last few minutes if it had gone in, but in truth Barnet were a spent force.

There was one last sting in the tail. Wright tackled Deering who went down as if every bone beneath the waist was broken. The ref waited, Derring rolled about a bit more and Wright got his second yellow of the match and his marching orders. 'Its a miracle'. Deering then got up and ran about, like Lazarus with deep heat rubbed into his arse. Nasty little shit. Glad we got of him. So it will be a Duberry/Worley partnership on Saturday next. That should be interesting.

A bit more hoofing from Barnet, and that was that. Out quickly, stuck in the car park for a while and then through rainstorms and double rainbows to home.

Barnet are going to struggle this season if they keep playing that long ball stuff. Very ugly. And they seem to have two or three very similar forwards.

As far as we are concerned, I thought it was an all-around decent performance. Davis continues to impress, as does Leven. Alfie was dangerous again, and Doobs is a rock in defence. Clarke looks like the class keeper he is. I still have my concerns over the lack of closing down in midfield, and the strike force again failed to find the net with a defender and a midfielder scoring. But actaully I don't care where the goals come from.

Next match - home to Accrington. I've got to ferry all my uni-going daughters stuff down to Cardiff before the match, and get back in time for kick off. Wish me (and the jalopy) luck - especially since tomorrow's fun includes a trip to Bangor (and back) with all my uni-going sons stuff. And my uni-going son. As the Mighty Boosh's Bollo might say; 'I gotta bad feeling' about this'

A Motley Crewe (L2)

Well I know I said I wasn't going to go, but I did. My car is still knackered (the garage have told me that there is a world shortage of gaffer tape, string and elastic bands) and the car they lent me isn't big enough for me to take the family away for the weekend, which was the original plan. At this point I feel I have to make a confession in the name of accuracy. I misreported the loan car as a crappy green Japanese Daihatsu. In fact on closer inspection it is a crappy green Korean Daewoo. I didn't really trust that marvel of South East Asian engineering to get me all the way up to Gresty Road for today's encounter with Crewe, so I pottered over to Milton Keynes and let the train take the strain. Well actually the wallet took the strain, the train merely took me to Crewe. There is a direct line from MK to Crewe, no changes, first stop.

So up I went, with last weeks poor second half performance playing back in my head. Surely it had to be better than that? Lets see...

Gresty Road is a convenient 5 minute walk from the station and I was there early. There were plenty of yellows there already, the locals were obviously leaving it late to get to the ground. As kickoff approached, it seemed they were leaving it very late indeed. Then I realised. They weren't coming. Behind one goal 25 people huddled together for warmth. Behind the other goal most of them sat as far back as possible, with six schoolkids comprising the singing section. There was plenty of room for them to run around. We were housed in a low stand down one side of the pitch, the large stand opposite was sparsely populated. In fact I wondered if the fans sat in little clumps were trying to spell something out, but if they were it was northern and I didn't understand it. (In fact the most noticeable feature of that stand was the OUFC Crewe flag boldly displayed. Well done, whoever you are!)

Another thing I didn't really understand was the team selection. No Leven and no Beano (a suspiciously convenient calf strain). Let's just hope we have no dead balls that need kicking or goals that need scoring then.

So. The reliable Clarke in goal, a lopsided back four of Whing, Wright, Duberry and Davis, a midfield of Hall, Heslop and McLaren completed by the fearsome strike power of Smalley, Guy and Potter. The Crewe team all looked about 18 years old. And we were dressed in the dark blue kit for some totally unfathomable reason (well actually it's money of course. Never mind tradition, or anything so romantic as that!). Rubbish. Also very similar to the refs all black strip.

Crewe kicked off, and we looked quite good to start with, with an early corner and a misdirected Heslop shot all we had to show for it though. Crewe started to come back into it more and had a great chance after about 10 minutes. Our defence (not for the first time this season) stood on ceremony and simply let the Crewe attacker walk into the box with the ball and have a free shot. Clarke was equal to it though. Poor defending, and the danger signs were now flying. We'd started at a decent tempo but had now slowed down. That meant a reversion to the sideways and backwards passing seemingly so beloved of the management. Surely possession is only of much value when you do something with the ball? More moaning later (bet you can't wait).

Anyway Crewe should have taken the lead after about 15 minutes, when an unmarked man rose to meet a well delivered cross when only three or four yards out. He headed inexcusably wide however. Phew. The match was only a quarter of an hour old and we should really have been two down. We continued to have lots of the ball, but did little with it - our main threat was from long shots from Potter and Heslop. Even Davis blasted one from distance - fairly obvious that the lack of shooting last match had not gone unnoticed by the management. It wasn't very threatening though. You'll notice I haven't mentioned Guy or Smalley at all. There's a reason for that!

We were now thoroughly into the 'arsing about with it' mode of play. No movement off the ball, give the ball back to whoever gave it to you, pass on the floor backwards and sideays, hoof it in the air if going forwards (usually at Potter, as he's the smallest). We all knew what was coming. Crewe were nippy and direct. Now by 'direct' I don't mean route one. They passed the ball on the floor and ran about - usually in a forward direction. And they did it fast. Revolutionary! I've seen it and it's the new thing! It was after half an hour when this policy paid off. A Crewe player simply ran past out heavy-footed defenders and would have scored himself but for a good block (Duberry I think). Unfortunately the ball fell to a red shirt and we were one down. They had now found the key to unlocking the ponderous non-tackling U's defence. They almost repeated the trick a couple of minutes later, but a good dive at the attacker's feet by Clarke save our hides.

Not for long though. A nice bit of passing down their right, a good low cross, the striker nipped in front of Clarke and it was two. A good goal, badly defended. We tried to rally and Smalley had a chance to reduce the arrears from inside the six-yard box, but was back on his heels, recated too slowly and the chance was blocked.

Half time. Lucky to be only two down, it had in truth been about as bad as the second half Aldershot performance. Potter and Heslop had tried some long range shooting, Davis had looked lively and Clarke had made a couple of good saves. I can't find much good to say about anyone else, I'm afraid. Let's hope there would be some changes (in personnel, attitude and in some cases work-rate for the second half).

Well, certainly no change in personnel for the second half. But arses had obviously been soundly kicked. The tempo was immediately better. The play still wasn't particularly threatening or incisive, but at least there was some movement. This lead to (in hindsight) the decisive point of the game. Alfie had a header from a Davis cross, a golden opportunity to reduce the arrears early in the half. With what seemed like acres of the goal to aim at, he put it too close to the keeper - who made a decent save. A few minutes later and another chance fell to Potter, this time on the deck. He put it over the bar.

Batt came on to replace the decidedly stodgy Whing (who really is a full back rather than a Whing-back if you get my drift), but within a few moments the game was over. A simple ball down the middle, Duberry and Wright were neatly bisected and it was three. Goodnight, and thanks very much. There was still 25 minutes of the torture left however.

Payne came on for Heslop and looked neat and tidy - but never likely to unload a 25 yard screamer. Potter missed another chance after Batt crossed to his feet and Guy went off to be replaced by Pittman (much to the relief of the Oxford faithful). We were still dominating possession and eventually got a goal back when a cross from Payne was headed down and into the Crewe net by Liam Davis. That's Davis. The full back. Well done - maybe you'd like to be our new striker? Talking of strikers, Crewe brought one on who looked about ten years old! I know they have a youth policy, but that's taking the mickey. He was quite good.

About a quarter of an hour to go. Could we pull another back and make it at least an exciting finish? Davis had a go. He shot, the goalie missed, the post didn't. It bounced back to Smalley, but guess what? He wasn't anywhere near anticipating it and missed. Poor. There were other efforts from Pittman, McLaren and Batt. But no goals. And Crewe could have made the scoreline embarassing witha late chance that they spurned.

At last the (not bad, but blowing more than a bit!) ref brought proceedings to an end. Back on the train and home in not bad time.

So what did we learn?

If we are going to play the passing game in the way we seem to, then it HAS to be at pace.
Dean Smalley needs to up his game by several thousand percent. He doesn't work hard, he doesn't make a nuisance of himself, he doesn't even jump for headers most of the time, he won't tackle and when there's a sniff of a chance then he is way off the pace.
Alfie Potter tries hard, but he isn't really a striker. That leaves the question of what he actually is. I'm not sure I can answer that.
Lewis Guy hasn't scored goals throughout his career, and he's not about to start now. Please send him back.
CW should get down on his bended knee, and beg Beano to stay. The bloke scores goals, is a focal point for the attack and defenders must hate playing against him. Even considering selling or (even worse) loaning him out is complete lunacy. If he had been playing today he WOULD have converted one of those early chances. Craddock would have done as well. The quicker he's back the better.
4-3-3 isn't working. No matter how fashionable it is, no matter how modern. We don't have the players for it. If the wing backs get forward the midfield doesn't cover the space. We get overrun in midfield. The three 'strikers' are too far apart - there's nobody to lay the ball off to or knock headers down to. Please please please try something different.
All that said, if we had played the first half with anything like the pace and forward momentum we managed in the second, it might have been a very different story!

Next up, Burton at home - the Bridle Bonanza game. I probably won't be there if my delayed family trip is rescheduled for next weekend. Don't worry, though. My season ticket will add a ghostly ZtH to the attendence figures. Save a foam hand for me!