A Motley Crewe (L2)

Well I know I said I wasn't going to go, but I did. My car is still knackered (the garage have told me that there is a world shortage of gaffer tape, string and elastic bands) and the car they lent me isn't big enough for me to take the family away for the weekend, which was the original plan. At this point I feel I have to make a confession in the name of accuracy. I misreported the loan car as a crappy green Japanese Daihatsu. In fact on closer inspection it is a crappy green Korean Daewoo. I didn't really trust that marvel of South East Asian engineering to get me all the way up to Gresty Road for today's encounter with Crewe, so I pottered over to Milton Keynes and let the train take the strain. Well actually the wallet took the strain, the train merely took me to Crewe. There is a direct line from MK to Crewe, no changes, first stop.

So up I went, with last weeks poor second half performance playing back in my head. Surely it had to be better than that? Lets see...

Gresty Road is a convenient 5 minute walk from the station and I was there early. There were plenty of yellows there already, the locals were obviously leaving it late to get to the ground. As kickoff approached, it seemed they were leaving it very late indeed. Then I realised. They weren't coming. Behind one goal 25 people huddled together for warmth. Behind the other goal most of them sat as far back as possible, with six schoolkids comprising the singing section. There was plenty of room for them to run around. We were housed in a low stand down one side of the pitch, the large stand opposite was sparsely populated. In fact I wondered if the fans sat in little clumps were trying to spell something out, but if they were it was northern and I didn't understand it. (In fact the most noticeable feature of that stand was the OUFC Crewe flag boldly displayed. Well done, whoever you are!)

Another thing I didn't really understand was the team selection. No Leven and no Beano (a suspiciously convenient calf strain). Let's just hope we have no dead balls that need kicking or goals that need scoring then.

So. The reliable Clarke in goal, a lopsided back four of Whing, Wright, Duberry and Davis, a midfield of Hall, Heslop and McLaren completed by the fearsome strike power of Smalley, Guy and Potter. The Crewe team all looked about 18 years old. And we were dressed in the dark blue kit for some totally unfathomable reason (well actually it's money of course. Never mind tradition, or anything so romantic as that!). Rubbish. Also very similar to the refs all black strip.

Crewe kicked off, and we looked quite good to start with, with an early corner and a misdirected Heslop shot all we had to show for it though. Crewe started to come back into it more and had a great chance after about 10 minutes. Our defence (not for the first time this season) stood on ceremony and simply let the Crewe attacker walk into the box with the ball and have a free shot. Clarke was equal to it though. Poor defending, and the danger signs were now flying. We'd started at a decent tempo but had now slowed down. That meant a reversion to the sideways and backwards passing seemingly so beloved of the management. Surely possession is only of much value when you do something with the ball? More moaning later (bet you can't wait).

Anyway Crewe should have taken the lead after about 15 minutes, when an unmarked man rose to meet a well delivered cross when only three or four yards out. He headed inexcusably wide however. Phew. The match was only a quarter of an hour old and we should really have been two down. We continued to have lots of the ball, but did little with it - our main threat was from long shots from Potter and Heslop. Even Davis blasted one from distance - fairly obvious that the lack of shooting last match had not gone unnoticed by the management. It wasn't very threatening though. You'll notice I haven't mentioned Guy or Smalley at all. There's a reason for that!

We were now thoroughly into the 'arsing about with it' mode of play. No movement off the ball, give the ball back to whoever gave it to you, pass on the floor backwards and sideays, hoof it in the air if going forwards (usually at Potter, as he's the smallest). We all knew what was coming. Crewe were nippy and direct. Now by 'direct' I don't mean route one. They passed the ball on the floor and ran about - usually in a forward direction. And they did it fast. Revolutionary! I've seen it and it's the new thing! It was after half an hour when this policy paid off. A Crewe player simply ran past out heavy-footed defenders and would have scored himself but for a good block (Duberry I think). Unfortunately the ball fell to a red shirt and we were one down. They had now found the key to unlocking the ponderous non-tackling U's defence. They almost repeated the trick a couple of minutes later, but a good dive at the attacker's feet by Clarke save our hides.

Not for long though. A nice bit of passing down their right, a good low cross, the striker nipped in front of Clarke and it was two. A good goal, badly defended. We tried to rally and Smalley had a chance to reduce the arrears from inside the six-yard box, but was back on his heels, recated too slowly and the chance was blocked.

Half time. Lucky to be only two down, it had in truth been about as bad as the second half Aldershot performance. Potter and Heslop had tried some long range shooting, Davis had looked lively and Clarke had made a couple of good saves. I can't find much good to say about anyone else, I'm afraid. Let's hope there would be some changes (in personnel, attitude and in some cases work-rate for the second half).

Well, certainly no change in personnel for the second half. But arses had obviously been soundly kicked. The tempo was immediately better. The play still wasn't particularly threatening or incisive, but at least there was some movement. This lead to (in hindsight) the decisive point of the game. Alfie had a header from a Davis cross, a golden opportunity to reduce the arrears early in the half. With what seemed like acres of the goal to aim at, he put it too close to the keeper - who made a decent save. A few minutes later and another chance fell to Potter, this time on the deck. He put it over the bar.

Batt came on to replace the decidedly stodgy Whing (who really is a full back rather than a Whing-back if you get my drift), but within a few moments the game was over. A simple ball down the middle, Duberry and Wright were neatly bisected and it was three. Goodnight, and thanks very much. There was still 25 minutes of the torture left however.

Payne came on for Heslop and looked neat and tidy - but never likely to unload a 25 yard screamer. Potter missed another chance after Batt crossed to his feet and Guy went off to be replaced by Pittman (much to the relief of the Oxford faithful). We were still dominating possession and eventually got a goal back when a cross from Payne was headed down and into the Crewe net by Liam Davis. That's Davis. The full back. Well done - maybe you'd like to be our new striker? Talking of strikers, Crewe brought one on who looked about ten years old! I know they have a youth policy, but that's taking the mickey. He was quite good.

About a quarter of an hour to go. Could we pull another back and make it at least an exciting finish? Davis had a go. He shot, the goalie missed, the post didn't. It bounced back to Smalley, but guess what? He wasn't anywhere near anticipating it and missed. Poor. There were other efforts from Pittman, McLaren and Batt. But no goals. And Crewe could have made the scoreline embarassing witha late chance that they spurned.

At last the (not bad, but blowing more than a bit!) ref brought proceedings to an end. Back on the train and home in not bad time.

So what did we learn?

If we are going to play the passing game in the way we seem to, then it HAS to be at pace.
Dean Smalley needs to up his game by several thousand percent. He doesn't work hard, he doesn't make a nuisance of himself, he doesn't even jump for headers most of the time, he won't tackle and when there's a sniff of a chance then he is way off the pace.
Alfie Potter tries hard, but he isn't really a striker. That leaves the question of what he actually is. I'm not sure I can answer that.
Lewis Guy hasn't scored goals throughout his career, and he's not about to start now. Please send him back.
CW should get down on his bended knee, and beg Beano to stay. The bloke scores goals, is a focal point for the attack and defenders must hate playing against him. Even considering selling or (even worse) loaning him out is complete lunacy. If he had been playing today he WOULD have converted one of those early chances. Craddock would have done as well. The quicker he's back the better.
4-3-3 isn't working. No matter how fashionable it is, no matter how modern. We don't have the players for it. If the wing backs get forward the midfield doesn't cover the space. We get overrun in midfield. The three 'strikers' are too far apart - there's nobody to lay the ball off to or knock headers down to. Please please please try something different.
All that said, if we had played the first half with anything like the pace and forward momentum we managed in the second, it might have been a very different story!

Next up, Burton at home - the Bridle Bonanza game. I probably won't be there if my delayed family trip is rescheduled for next weekend. Don't worry, though. My season ticket will add a ghostly ZtH to the attendence figures. Save a foam hand for me!