It's all gone Sarf (vs Southend L2)

Hi all,

The first match in a difficult run for us today. Southend, Sheffield Utd and Crawley away, followed by Cheltenham at home and then Morcambe away. Yes, I am ignoring Southend again in the JPT. And sorry Northampton, I can't extend that difficult run to include you.

So down the M1 and round the M25 again, turning off before the Dartford Crossing/Tunnel this time (as opposed to the Gillingham trip) and heading towards Sarfend. Good job I'd set off early as there was a blockage on the quaintly named Southend Arterial Road. It runs between Basildon and Southend, and is as dull as it's name implies. Anyway, I got to Southend in time to do a bit of driving about looking for a parking place before finally biting the bullet and paying a fiver to park in some school or something.

Paid an extortionate £21 to get in (maybe OUFC ought to raise it's prices for away fans?) and went for a wee. All that sitting in traffic can have that effect on a man of a certain age. The loos were fetid, rank, smelly, too small and generally disgusting. And this was before kickoff. Not good enough, Southend. Managed not to breath to much in - I was beginning to realise why the Victorians believed that disease was caused by foul miasma - and staggered, retching, to a free seat in the converted Dutch Barn that Southend call an away stand. Which has a roof, putting them one up on the scum and Gillingham I suppose. The general tin-pottedness was confirmed by two further things.

Firstly, the PA. Totally inaudible. I mean, you couldn't even hear that an announcement was being made, never mind what it was. Surely there are 'elf and safety concerns there? Let's hope they don't have to evacuate the stadium if there's a fire or something.

Secondly the mascots. Now mascots are fairly naff at the best of times (sorry Olly) but the Southend ones take the biscuit. Probably the whole packet. There are two of them, for double the embarassment. One is called 'Elvis the Eel' and is a blue thing with an Elvis wig and all too human legs. The other is (I think) supposed to be a shrimp, but he didn't come close enough to us to see what he's called. 'Pillock the Prawn' maybe. Laughable. Probably not really aimed at 50-something blokes, but laughable. I bet the people inside them lie about what they do on a Saturday afternoon.

Anyway enough taking the piss out of the unfortunates, the team was a bit of a shock. Of course I couldn't hear it announced, but it turned out to be:

Clarke
Batt Whing Wright Worley Davis
Heslop Leven
Potter Constable Philliskirk.

Where on earth did that one come from! Five at the back, two in the middle. Obviously no Robert Hall (please come back Robbie!), but apparently Duberry was injured (rumours at the ground said a shoulder, out for several weeks) and no McLaren. Well, a selection that was obviously partly forced on CW and partly not. Given that Hall, Duberry and McLaren have been among our best players this season it was going to be a stretch to get something from the match.

We started off kicking away from the 750-800 yellows supporters. I needn't really have worried about the side in general. We took immediate and total control of the game. Southend had the first half chance after five minutes or so, but a weak shot was easily save by Clarke. Leven and Potter went close in the first 15 minutes. Leven making the goalkeeper work, Potter not. The yellows fans were having fun at the portly Southend drum banger's expense. The 25 people round the incompetent percussionist tried to make some noise, the rest of the Southend crowd obviously had their minds on which bonfire party they were going to after the match. They made no sound. The yellows fans on the other hand were showing the home crowd how it should be done and making a terrific racket!

Leven and Constable tested the goalie, Philliskirk had one deflected over the goal by a covering (and lucky) defender. Corners were going into the penalty area, shots were hitting the target - the ball wasn't going in the net. The longer this went on, the more there was the feeling in the Oxford end that it might just not be our day.

Last week's ref was (mostly) determined not to give fouls. By that measure, this weeks was 50% better as he gave half of the possible offences. Unfortunately it was all the Oxford misdemeanours (real or imaginary) that he punished, the Southend offences were ignored. Including one particularly nasty two footed sliding challenge that should have been a yellow card, but wasn't apparently even a foul. I won't even mention the two decent penalty shouts we had. This bloke wouldn't have given a a cold. Towards the end of the half, he gave yet another in a succession of free kicks just outside the Oxford box. Most of them had been wasted by Southend, with none even making Clarke make a save. Unfortunately practice makes perfect. The Southend player swung the dead ball to the far post and the nearly unmarked Blues player lurking there simply headed the ball into the net. Clarke didn't realy have much chance with it. And half time came. The yellows were applauded off the pitch.

I have to say that the reaction around me was in two flavours. The first was 'How the bloody hell are we not winning, never mind behind?'. The second, "If we don't take our chances, we won't win matches". Both were undoubtedly correct.

The Southend cheerleaders jumped about a bit, but since the PA was so shite I couldn't hear the music they were supposed to be dancing about to. It probably wasn't 'China Pig' by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band or 'ManErg' by Van der Graaf Generator. But I can say that their shorts fitted better than the Gillingham jailbait of a couple of weeks ago, so plus marks for that, girls. And I'm sure the jiggling about was perfectly in time as well.

Second half.

Both teams started well, Southend looking to capitalise on their good fortune, us looking to put things right. Leven had the first chance, but the Southend keeper saved it again. He was looking pretty good for a L2 keeper this bloke. I mentioned this to a chap next to me. 'On loan from West Brom' he replied. Ah, that explains it. Southend decided to try and help us out by making a complete Horlicks of clearing a Us corner. Again it looped over the bar somehow.

Jake Wright then made one of his now traditional two potentially fatal mistakes in a game (edit - no he didn't, it was Batt apparently. Sorry Jake!!), giving a Southend player a free run at the goal by gifting him the ball with only Clarke to beat. His shooting typified much of Southend's 'finishing'. One on one with the keeper, not only did he not hit the goal, he didn't hit the goal line. The ball skewed horribly wide (much to our relief) and ended up by the far touchline.

Smalley and (very surprisingly) Steve Kinniborough came on for Davis and Philliskirk. Both Davis and Philiskirk had done OK, and a cynical part of me wondered how much CW had an eye on the team that was going to have to playon Tuesday's JPT match (six of the team - I think - have to have played in the previous league match). Just a thought...

It looked like we had made them pay for the recent miss when a couple of minutes later Leven chipped a ball to the far post and in a very similar manner to the Southend goal, a lovely header from Damien Batt beat the keeper to level the scores. Pandemonium in the away end. Surely we could now go on to win this? Southend had been better in the second half than they had been in the first, but we were still the better side. And we now had the wind in our sails! That's a boaty saying because we were on the coast. I bet you can almost taste the brine...

Except, we were about to be holed below the waterline. (I'm on a roll now!)

Five minutes after we scored Southend went back in front. Ryan Hall (not Asa, or Robbie) the Blues winger hit a glorious shot from the right of the penalty area and beat Clarke. It would have beaten any goalkeeper. Probably any goalkeeper, an Elvis Eel and a Plonker Prawn all added together. It was probably the best bit of skill in the match.

There was still over twenty minutes to go. But oddly, the match then fizzled out. We got the ball into the penalty area a few times, but didn't look dangerous. That wasn't helped by Smalley. He really annoys me. When a high ball is hit towards him, he has the habit of getting the wrong side of the defender (just behind him) and not even challenging him for the ball. He pulls out of (or never even makes) challenges and looks about as dangerous as a fart on a battlefield. Why Franks wasn't brought on I have no idea. The last throw of the dice was to take Worley off and bring McLaren on. Hmm, a defensive midfielder when we are chasing the game? It made no difference. Southend were content to hold what they had, and without the speed or trickery that Robbie Hall gave us, we had no key to unlock their defence. The game died, and the ref put us out of our misery after four minutes of added time.

Southend then completed the tin-potted hattrick by letting off fireworks because they'd won.

Out of the stadium and walking back to the car I overheard a couple of Southend fans. Fan 1 'I don't know how on earth we managed to win that!'. Fan 2 'Yeah we were bloody lucky'. Just about summed it up.

A decent drive home, watching fireworks in the sky (but keeping my eyes on the road).

Thoughts afterwards:

I am proud to be an Oxford fan. The support was magnificent today, keeping the team going when they were behind, applauding the team off at half and full times, despite losing.

We didn't miss Duberry or McLaren quite as much as I thought we might, but we need need need a forward who is prepared to take defenders on and go past them (not sideways, Alfie). That was the difference up front today. Could that be Franks?

Southend won't win the league. Too much long ball stuff, not enough skill. The man of the match was their (on loan) keeper.

I don't 'get' Deane Smalley at all. Can someone tell me what he brings to the team, because I must have sone sort of blind spot where he is concerned.

I am giving Tuesday night a miss, so I'll see you all at Sheffield Utd. It'll be nice to have a match where there is no real pressure. A draw would be good, we can have a great night at out place for the return! A win would be better of course ;)

Cheers and COME ON YOU YELLOWS!