Poorly at Crawley (L2)

The third away match in a row for me, since I avoided the JPT fiasco. The other two had been a mixed bag - playing well at Southend but losing, playing badly at Sheffield and losing. To be honest the Sheffield trip had been a bit of a waste of time and money as far as the performance on the field was concerned with only the constant support of the large travelling support giving me something to smile about.

Before setting off, I knew that both Duberry and Potter would still be on the injured list and that Davis was recovered. Of course Robbie Hall is now back, so that was a definite plus.

Having given various rail companies more of my hard-earned than I felt comfortable with recently, I decided to drive. Down the M1, round the M25 (anti-clockwise this time - they say a change is as good as a rest!), down the M23 to Crawley and parked up in good time.

Crawley are doing well this season, with significant backing from somewhere or other, and have assembled a decent team. Results have generally gone their way and they are up at the business end of the table. A funny old club really. They have a couple of odious idiots as manager and assistant, and the whole atmosphere is resolutely non-league. But the Crawley supporters are a nice, friendly bunch and I have nothing against the club as a whole. It was good to see the Oxford and Crawley fans drinking together before the match. Doubtless we'd be taunting each other during the match, then drinking together again afterwards. As it should be really.

Anyway into the stadium (easy to find due to the giant red and white football on the nearby roundabout), this time with a ticket! Some previous trips to Crawley have been marked by 'pay-at-the-turnstiles' and suspiciously low 'official' away crowd numbers shenanigans. But now you buy a numbered ticket from a booth before going in. Much better.

The Broadfield Stadium (which ought to be named the Broadmoor Stadium if you look at the antics of Evans and his sidekick, Paul Raynor)is fairly basic. We were behind one goal in a roofed terrace. Fairly shallow front to back. To our left, there is an open unroofed terrace down one side, with netting above it probably to stop the ball going into people's gardens. Perhaps the locals got tired of Steve Evans knocking on the door asking for his ball back! The most vocal of the home support are behind the opposite goal in another smallish roofed stand (renamed the Bruce Winfield Stand this very day - applause from all, including the over 1000 yellows supporters). The main stand takes up the final side. It's neat, small and in need of substantial development if Crawley are to go much further. There was a crowd of only just over 4,000 and it looked fairly full. 'Where were you when you were shit?' we asked the Crawley supporters. 'In Sainsburys with the wife doing the shopping' they didn't answer. Which is a shame, because it would have been quite funny. There were certainly more of them than at any time I'd seen them.

In contrast to Southend and Sheffield, where the PA was inaudible, the Crawley sound system had been taken over by some bloke who had obviously spent too much time in his youth standing next to the speaker stacks at heavy metal gigs. To counteract the deafness and TinTin-itis (yes, I know) he turned it up to eleven. If was far too loud and completely killed any building atmosphere. They then played some horrible hackneyed Queen nonsense (not the National Anthem) as the teams ran out.

Ah, the teams. Right. First of all, we were wearing the blue and white second strip for some reason. Crawley (apparently the original 'Red Devils') were all in red, so why we weren't in Yellow and Blue I can't guess. And who was wearing this kit?

Clarke, Batt, Whing, Worley, Wright, Davis, Leven, McLaren, Philliskirk, Constable, Hall (R).

So that's 5-2-3, or 3-4-3, or 3-4-2-1? Or something. It was narrow, either at the back or in midfield. Why not 4-3-3 like we are used to? Heslop added into the middle, Whing or Wright taken out of defence. Oh well, something like it worked well at Southend (apart from in the striking department). Maybe it would be OK. It wasn't.

We started off with Clarkey in front of us. It was fairly obvious from the first moments that Crawley were much more up for the match than our lot. They looked more organised, sharper on and off the ball, more willing to put in a challenge. It took them all of three minutes to open their account. A shot was blocked by Wright, fell to a red-shirted attacker who put the ball past the floundering Clarke. Why (with three centre halves) there was nobody marking the Crawley player is only something that CW and his team can answer. A terrible start. Again.

The referee. Let's get this over with. I'm not sure what to say about him. One-eyed? A complete homer? I'm sure that blogs come under the laws of libel, so I'd better not say what I really think. Suffice to say, if he could give Crawley a free kick, he did. If he should have given us a free kick, he didn't. Offences that were to all intents and purposes the same (high feet for example) merited a talking to, a free kick and probably a booking if done by an Oxford player, but nothing if done by Crawley. At one point later in the match Whing saw a ball out for a goal kick. After the ball had gone out, he was tackled from behind and trodden on. He was then given a yellow card for getting riled about it. Shit ref. Worst this season by a mile, and we've had some stinkers. I won't go on about him much more, it makes me angry just thinking about him. Just take it as read that he didn't improve as the game went on. Actually as we are having a pop at the officials, let's have a go at the blonde female lineswoman who ran the line to our left.

I'm not sexist, and welcome women into football. Players, supporters, officials. It's all good. Except when its not. This woman was incompetent. She got decisions wrong that were about two feet away from her, made no decision at all numerous times. Poor.

Meanwhile back at the game. As at Sheffield, the early goal failed to spark us into life. Crawley hit the bar with Clarke beaten and then put another nail in the coffin on about a quarter of an hour. A(nother) free kick, swung over to the back post, markers doing god knows what, a suspicion of climbing, but a free header, past Clarke and two nil. Feeble defending. The idiot Crawley players then decided to try and incite some crowd trouble by celebrating in front of and gesticulating at the Oxford fans. This resulted in the plod filming the crowd and completely ignoring what had started it i.e. the Crawley players. Just looking for an excuse. Of course our friend the ref went and had a word with the Crawley players , telling them not to do it again. Didn't he? No, he didn't. Apparently that's OK then is it?

It had been a frantic opening period, with Crawley the better team by a mile. Every ball put into our box was leading to utter panic. The ball was being hit with pace, attackers running on to it. They were faster to the ball, quicker on the ball, more mobile off the ball. They were playing to a system and doing it well. It wasn't particularly pretty - balls down the channels, or hoofed through the middle - but it was effective. We were doing nothing. For a 'passing team' we had made precious few passes. Crawley were just closing the players down too quickly. So we went to plan B. Which was balls down the channels and hoofed through the middle. But we didn't do it anywhere near as well as Crawley.

Philliskirk went off and was replaced with the misfiring Smalley. A couple of minutes later (on the half hour mark) and it looked as if Constable might have thrown us a lifeline. He chased down a ball that he had no right to get to, the keeper and defender saw him coming and made a pig's ear of what should have been an easy clearance, Beano nicked the ball and walked it into the net. Back in it, somehow. Surely, surely, we could now settle down. Smalley had a chance but put it wide. If there was a turning point (although I'm not convinced we would have come out with anything anyway) that was it. He should have got it on target, it missed by a yard or two. It wasn't a simple chance, but the type the strikers should make a better fist of than that, really.

After that short spell of Oxford pressure, Crawley got into the ascendancy again. A goal in the last minute of injury time before half time, effectively ended the match. The generally ineffective but good at diving Mat Tubbs (my terrace neighbour amusingly referred to him as Tubbs (pen) !) hit the ball across the box, and it was picked up on the right by a Crawley player. What Clarke though he was doing, who knows. Maybe he was expecting a cross? Maybe it was supposed to be a cross? Whatever, he dived in a particularly eccentric direction, the ball bounced embarassingly off his waving legs and it was 3-1 and after a bit more crowd baiting from the Crawley players (again unpunished) it was halftime.

What a terrible half of football that had been from Oxford. Cringeworthy.

The ref made the half time 'Golden Ticket' draw. I wonder if he pulled out his own ticket. ;) It's a joke, yer honour!

No half time dancing girls. I'm starting to miss them. Bring back the Manorettes!

The second half started much as the first ended, with Crawley on top. It wasn't really a surprise when they scored a fourth. From a free kick wide on the Crawley right, the ball somehow went straight in. More dismal defending. The wall? The goalie? Rubbish. And the end of the match as far as the result was concerned.

CW made a couple of substitutions, Clarke made some decent saves and Crawley missed a couple. Good job, it could have been even worse. The time crawled past. The Oxford crowd did the pretend goal scoring thing, which at Sheffield had seemed quite amusing. Doing it away at Crawley seemed errm, tinpot in the extreme. The team surrendered without much fight, Beano blasting one over being just about the only shot of note.

It was a relief when the final whistle went, and we could go home. Some had left early, being jeered as 'loyal supporters' by our own crowd. Unfair. Travelling away to Crawley (and probably Sheffield) makes you a loyal supporter. Leaving five minutes from the end (not something I do myself) when three goals down and playing like a bunch of schoolgirls who've never met before actually seemed like a sensible thing to do as the fog started to come down. The players trudged off to a mixed reception.

Back in the car and a mostly fog free journey home. Good job I had some of that beer left that I bought after the Sheffield match!

Thoughts afterwards.

Bloody awful. That's two Saturdays (and a lot of money) wasted in a row. The worst performance since that drubbing away at Histon?

We seem to rely of the individual skills of players too much, rather than playing as a team. Which is fine when we are given the time and space in which to do so, but if a team closes us down quickly we are stuffed.

If we lose every match that Duberry doesn't play then we are too reliant on one player - the sign of a poor squad?

We made Crawley look like Brazil - no mean feat! They are energetic and efficient. We could take a leaf out of their book in fitness and closing down.

Bright spots? I'm struggling, but Constable's work rate and goal, having Robbie back, some of Davis' adventure maybe? No sendings off, no injuries? I'm clutching at straws really.

It's not the defeat (Crawley are doing well), it's the manner of the defeat that is worrying.

Next week's Cheltenham match suddenly becomes huge. If we are as poor at home as we have been in the last two away matches then I fear for what the rest of the season holds.

Never mind, it's only football. See you all next time...

Just Call Me Mystic Meg

Robbie Hall left Oxford to go back to West Ham on the 31st October. Since then he has also appeared for a young England side, coming on as a sub and scoring the winning goal. On the 6th November, I posted the following on the Yellows forum:

--------------------------------

Well then, how about this for optimism...

Robbie joined us on the 12th September, and left on the 31st October - roughly 49 days. Emergency loans (which is what Robbie was) can last a maximum of 93 days. So, we can have him for another 44 days until the loan window opens on Jan 1st, when we could 'standard' loan him for the rest of the season. Counting back 44 days from the 1st January you get to the 17th November. So that's when he comes back. Misses the 2 cup matches which he wouldn't have featured in anyway and is back in time for our visit to Crawley on the 19th.

Wishful thinking maybe, but possible.

--------------------------------

It was announced today (16th November) that Robbie would be re-signing for us tomorrow. The 17th - as predicted. With a view to extending a loan at the end of a month, which would take us into the loan period at the start of the new year.

I am happy to admit that my post was as much wishful thinking allied to a bit of maths as it was a prediction really. But I am really, really pleased that it has happened. I am not 'In The Know' at all, no inside info, no whispers from people at the club - so don't expect any of my other crackpot theories to actually come true!

Welcome back Robbie. :)

A Cut Above (vs Sheffield Utd FA Cup)

Hi all,

After the ridiculous match in the much-derided JPT on Tuesday evening (which I didn't attend) it was time for a more serious cup match today. Away at Sheffield Utd, who are at the top end of League One. It was always going to be a stern test, but even more so with the roll call of Oxford's injured and suspended. Duberry was certainly out, Potter, Davis and Batt were doubtful. Craddock was suspended and will be for two matches after this one. Idiot.

Now as far as I am concerned, Duberry, Batt, Davis and Potter have been some of the better performers this season. Without them, it looked like a 'big ask'. But ever hopeful, I set out. This time by train (Bedford > Leicester > Sheffield). As far as I can remember, I haven't been to Sheffield before and certainly not to Bramall Lane. So it was a new experience. The trains were remarkable for two things. For being punctual (take a bow East Midland Trains) and for having no other obvious football supporters on them. I guess that's a result of there being no Prem or Championship games today due to the international matches and friendlies. Unusual to see no other shirts though.

Bramall Lane isn't too far from the train station, and is an easy walk. I got there fairly early, in time to see the players warming up. Uh-oh. No Duberry (expected), no Potter, no Davis. Batt at least had made it though. There were hundreds of Oxford fans already there and seemigly hundreds of players on the pitch. Then I remembered that it was seven subs on the bench for FA Cup matches.

Bramall Lane itself is an impressive stadium, a relic of the Blades foray into the higher leagues. Appparently they get good crowds there normally, but it didn't look like they were expecting a bumper attendance today. We were housed in the bottom tier of the stand behind one goal, the steeply banked kop stand opposite us was completely empty, closed for the match. Our stand filled up impressively, the two remaining home stands didn't. I realise that for them, it wasn't a glamour tie - but at only £10 to get in I'm surprised that more hadn't made the effort. There was a big monitor showing replays, team news etc but unfortunately it was in the corner next to us and was obsured by a load of netting, the overhang of the top tier and the inability of Oxford supporters to twist their necks around like Meercats.

But the teams ran out to a rousing welcome from us, followed by a well observed Remembrance Day minutes silence. There was a bit of a stunned silence from the Yellow hordes as the team became obvious.

Clarke , Batt - Whing - Wright - Kinniburgh at the back, with McLaren in front.
Franks, Asa Hall, Heslop and Leven in the middle with Smalley up front. No Constable, no Worley.

Agruably either a 4-4-2 if Franks was up front and McLaren was in midfield, or a 4-1-4-1 if not. Very defensive. A striker or pair of strikers with one goal between them this season. Hmm. Never mind. Smalley might surpise me, although playing as the lone striker isn't what he supposed to be good at. Other worries were Kinniburgh (arguably our fourth choice left back) and a lack of heading ability in central defence. The bench was noteworthy as well with both Tonkin and James (who were I thought injured) on it as well as Constable, Worley, Payne and youth teamers Tyrone Marsh and Max Crocombe (gk). I think we could count Tonkin, James and Crocombe as bench warmers. Marsh might get a run out I suppose, but unlikely.

The half kicked off with us kicking away from the supporters towards the vacant stand. It was oddly like playing at home, with nobody behind the far goal. As usual, the travelling fans were getting behond the team. The home fans were quiet.

It has to be said that I would prefer to draw a bit of a veil over the first half, but in the pursuit of accuracy, here goes.

We were awful. On the back foot from the kick off, we took that back foot and added two left feet to it. Passes were overhit, underhit, not hit at all. The ball was hoofed into the air whenever we got it. Which wasn't often. Sheffield just had to wait for us to make a mistake, which we did all too often. They closed us down quickly, we dithered on the ball. Off the ball movement is obviously an old fashioned concept, although Sheffield were still doing it. Get with the times, Blades. Standing still is the new running.

Sheffield looked threatening every time they went forward, we didn't go forward. It was absolutely no surprise when we went one down after about 10 minutes. The ball was crossed into our penalty area, bobbled about a bit, our defenders stood on too much ceremony and a Sheffield player banged it past Clarke from reasonably close range. All over the pitch, yellow shoulders went down. They were bring given a bit of a footballing lesson and having been set up very defensively to start with it was going to be hard to get back into it. The goal spurred Sheffield on (as if they needed it) and didn't give our players a boot up the arse they needed. After about 20 minutes Clarke made a good save, but then Whing pushed a Sheffield player rather unneccessarily close to the penalty area. The ball seemed to go through the wall from the free kick and we were two down.

It's a good job there was nobody in the far stand, they wouldn't have had anything to watch. The prospect of an embarrassing scoreline was now staring us in the face. Clarke made another good stop, and the Blades had another goal ruled out for offside a couple of minutes later. Looked OK to me actually, but thanks lino. Talking of the officials, the ref was having a good match - letting the game flow without being to picky. It wasn't a dirty game though, so I guess he had an easier job than sometimes. Nice to see a decent official - we've had some stinkers recently. Clarke saved us again, but Sheffield had taken their foot off the gas. Up the other end? Nothing. I'm not Smalley's biggest fan, but he was dealt a difficult hand today. The ball was hoofed up to him head high. Nobody near him most of the time, except for a host of decent defenders. We were still doing the basics badly. Passing wildly or too hard. Backing off and off and off at the back, not getting tight enough in midfield, moving the ball backwards (and across the face of our own goal all too often). It wasn't pretty.

Half time came (I'm glad that's over). We hadn't looked like winning the match from the very first kick, had made no chances, zero, zip, zilch. We were lucky not to be four or five down if we are honest. For me, it showed CW as being a bit inflexible - I'd have done something after the second goal. What? Well I'd have taken Franks off (he was doing little in his hybrid midfield/striker role) and brought Constable on up front to partner Smalley. At the very least he would have made a nuisance of himself, something that neither Smalley or Franks were. You could also have put Franks up front with Constable I guess. I would also have taken Kinniburgh off. Moved Wright to left back and put Worley in central defence. He'd played well against Southend and I was surprised he hadn't started. Alternatively I'd have strengthened the defence by adding Worley to make a back five (like at Southend) but allowed Whing to play in front of the defence with Mclaren to try and get hold of the ball in midfield. That might all be rubbish - but I think CW should have done something rather than nothing after the second goal went in. Although we were 'only' two down at half time I couldn't really see us getting back into it now.

No half time dancing girls, cross-bar challenges or anything. Can't say I missed it.

For the second half, CW made some changes. Constable on, Franks off. Worley on, McLaren off. To be honest, both McLaren and the usually reliable Leven had not been having the best of games. Immediately we looked better. No particularly threatening, but certainly better. Constable had what was really our first chance of the match within five minutes of the restart, but got no power on his header and the goalie had no problems with it. It hadn't really improved that much really, Clarke called upon again to keep the score down at the other end. For the first quarter of an hour we had some impetus, and for the first time looked like a half decent side though. Another weak header was all we had to show for it though and Sheffield ended the contest with twenty minutes to go. A weak punch by Clarke lead to all sorts of mayhem in the Oxford box, and despite some gallant attempts to block the ball by Jake Wright, it was eventually hit home. Three nil. Didn't really flatter Sheffield if we're telling the truth. Payne came on for Leven, made no difference.

As a contest the match fizzled out. In the Oxford stand though, the match was still well alive. "Let's pretend we've scored a goal!" Three - One! We were back in it. A couple of minutes later, blimey! It happened again. Three - Two and we were in with a chance. The crowd equaliser came just before full time - Three all. 'Four three, we're gonna win four three'. But the final whistle went before we could score the winner - guess it will have to be a replay then! :)

The final whistle went, and the 2,000 or so yellows gave the players a rousing send off. It hadn't been the best performance really, but the second half had been better and the players had worked hard. Although that is the minimum we should expect. My man of the match? Well surprisingly, Asa Hall. I thought he popped up everywhere on the pitch, had a decent far post header, made some tackles, ran about off the ball.

A quick walk back to the station, spent much of the journey back to Leicester talking to a couple of Leicester Yellows and a friendly Blade, who makes the trip to Sheffield from Telford for home matches. Hello to any of you who are reading this - made for an enjoyable journey home. Felt I had to drop into the supermarket for some alcohol supplies before I went home, got back to be greeted by Mrs ZtH with 'You got my text then.' 'What text?' ' The once where I asked you to buy milk, butter and cat litter on the way home.' 'Errm...' 'What's in this supermarket bag then?' 'Beer, cider and crisps.' Ooops.

Thoughts on the match...

Take three or four of the best players out of a league two side and ask them to play a top four league one side and it's too much.

Start in too defensive a mind-set and you can't just turn the attack on.

Oxford players - sometimes the simple ball is the best one.

A pity we didn't make more of a go at this - I wonder how much the lost revenue from no cup run will effect us be able to bring (back?) in loan players to help the faltering attack?

Next - another toughie, this time at Crawley. Hopefully we'll have some more players to choose from. See you there!

It's all gone Sarf (vs Southend L2)

Hi all,

The first match in a difficult run for us today. Southend, Sheffield Utd and Crawley away, followed by Cheltenham at home and then Morcambe away. Yes, I am ignoring Southend again in the JPT. And sorry Northampton, I can't extend that difficult run to include you.

So down the M1 and round the M25 again, turning off before the Dartford Crossing/Tunnel this time (as opposed to the Gillingham trip) and heading towards Sarfend. Good job I'd set off early as there was a blockage on the quaintly named Southend Arterial Road. It runs between Basildon and Southend, and is as dull as it's name implies. Anyway, I got to Southend in time to do a bit of driving about looking for a parking place before finally biting the bullet and paying a fiver to park in some school or something.

Paid an extortionate £21 to get in (maybe OUFC ought to raise it's prices for away fans?) and went for a wee. All that sitting in traffic can have that effect on a man of a certain age. The loos were fetid, rank, smelly, too small and generally disgusting. And this was before kickoff. Not good enough, Southend. Managed not to breath to much in - I was beginning to realise why the Victorians believed that disease was caused by foul miasma - and staggered, retching, to a free seat in the converted Dutch Barn that Southend call an away stand. Which has a roof, putting them one up on the scum and Gillingham I suppose. The general tin-pottedness was confirmed by two further things.

Firstly, the PA. Totally inaudible. I mean, you couldn't even hear that an announcement was being made, never mind what it was. Surely there are 'elf and safety concerns there? Let's hope they don't have to evacuate the stadium if there's a fire or something.

Secondly the mascots. Now mascots are fairly naff at the best of times (sorry Olly) but the Southend ones take the biscuit. Probably the whole packet. There are two of them, for double the embarassment. One is called 'Elvis the Eel' and is a blue thing with an Elvis wig and all too human legs. The other is (I think) supposed to be a shrimp, but he didn't come close enough to us to see what he's called. 'Pillock the Prawn' maybe. Laughable. Probably not really aimed at 50-something blokes, but laughable. I bet the people inside them lie about what they do on a Saturday afternoon.

Anyway enough taking the piss out of the unfortunates, the team was a bit of a shock. Of course I couldn't hear it announced, but it turned out to be:

Clarke
Batt Whing Wright Worley Davis
Heslop Leven
Potter Constable Philliskirk.

Where on earth did that one come from! Five at the back, two in the middle. Obviously no Robert Hall (please come back Robbie!), but apparently Duberry was injured (rumours at the ground said a shoulder, out for several weeks) and no McLaren. Well, a selection that was obviously partly forced on CW and partly not. Given that Hall, Duberry and McLaren have been among our best players this season it was going to be a stretch to get something from the match.

We started off kicking away from the 750-800 yellows supporters. I needn't really have worried about the side in general. We took immediate and total control of the game. Southend had the first half chance after five minutes or so, but a weak shot was easily save by Clarke. Leven and Potter went close in the first 15 minutes. Leven making the goalkeeper work, Potter not. The yellows fans were having fun at the portly Southend drum banger's expense. The 25 people round the incompetent percussionist tried to make some noise, the rest of the Southend crowd obviously had their minds on which bonfire party they were going to after the match. They made no sound. The yellows fans on the other hand were showing the home crowd how it should be done and making a terrific racket!

Leven and Constable tested the goalie, Philliskirk had one deflected over the goal by a covering (and lucky) defender. Corners were going into the penalty area, shots were hitting the target - the ball wasn't going in the net. The longer this went on, the more there was the feeling in the Oxford end that it might just not be our day.

Last week's ref was (mostly) determined not to give fouls. By that measure, this weeks was 50% better as he gave half of the possible offences. Unfortunately it was all the Oxford misdemeanours (real or imaginary) that he punished, the Southend offences were ignored. Including one particularly nasty two footed sliding challenge that should have been a yellow card, but wasn't apparently even a foul. I won't even mention the two decent penalty shouts we had. This bloke wouldn't have given a a cold. Towards the end of the half, he gave yet another in a succession of free kicks just outside the Oxford box. Most of them had been wasted by Southend, with none even making Clarke make a save. Unfortunately practice makes perfect. The Southend player swung the dead ball to the far post and the nearly unmarked Blues player lurking there simply headed the ball into the net. Clarke didn't realy have much chance with it. And half time came. The yellows were applauded off the pitch.

I have to say that the reaction around me was in two flavours. The first was 'How the bloody hell are we not winning, never mind behind?'. The second, "If we don't take our chances, we won't win matches". Both were undoubtedly correct.

The Southend cheerleaders jumped about a bit, but since the PA was so shite I couldn't hear the music they were supposed to be dancing about to. It probably wasn't 'China Pig' by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band or 'ManErg' by Van der Graaf Generator. But I can say that their shorts fitted better than the Gillingham jailbait of a couple of weeks ago, so plus marks for that, girls. And I'm sure the jiggling about was perfectly in time as well.

Second half.

Both teams started well, Southend looking to capitalise on their good fortune, us looking to put things right. Leven had the first chance, but the Southend keeper saved it again. He was looking pretty good for a L2 keeper this bloke. I mentioned this to a chap next to me. 'On loan from West Brom' he replied. Ah, that explains it. Southend decided to try and help us out by making a complete Horlicks of clearing a Us corner. Again it looped over the bar somehow.

Jake Wright then made one of his now traditional two potentially fatal mistakes in a game (edit - no he didn't, it was Batt apparently. Sorry Jake!!), giving a Southend player a free run at the goal by gifting him the ball with only Clarke to beat. His shooting typified much of Southend's 'finishing'. One on one with the keeper, not only did he not hit the goal, he didn't hit the goal line. The ball skewed horribly wide (much to our relief) and ended up by the far touchline.

Smalley and (very surprisingly) Steve Kinniborough came on for Davis and Philliskirk. Both Davis and Philiskirk had done OK, and a cynical part of me wondered how much CW had an eye on the team that was going to have to playon Tuesday's JPT match (six of the team - I think - have to have played in the previous league match). Just a thought...

It looked like we had made them pay for the recent miss when a couple of minutes later Leven chipped a ball to the far post and in a very similar manner to the Southend goal, a lovely header from Damien Batt beat the keeper to level the scores. Pandemonium in the away end. Surely we could now go on to win this? Southend had been better in the second half than they had been in the first, but we were still the better side. And we now had the wind in our sails! That's a boaty saying because we were on the coast. I bet you can almost taste the brine...

Except, we were about to be holed below the waterline. (I'm on a roll now!)

Five minutes after we scored Southend went back in front. Ryan Hall (not Asa, or Robbie) the Blues winger hit a glorious shot from the right of the penalty area and beat Clarke. It would have beaten any goalkeeper. Probably any goalkeeper, an Elvis Eel and a Plonker Prawn all added together. It was probably the best bit of skill in the match.

There was still over twenty minutes to go. But oddly, the match then fizzled out. We got the ball into the penalty area a few times, but didn't look dangerous. That wasn't helped by Smalley. He really annoys me. When a high ball is hit towards him, he has the habit of getting the wrong side of the defender (just behind him) and not even challenging him for the ball. He pulls out of (or never even makes) challenges and looks about as dangerous as a fart on a battlefield. Why Franks wasn't brought on I have no idea. The last throw of the dice was to take Worley off and bring McLaren on. Hmm, a defensive midfielder when we are chasing the game? It made no difference. Southend were content to hold what they had, and without the speed or trickery that Robbie Hall gave us, we had no key to unlock their defence. The game died, and the ref put us out of our misery after four minutes of added time.

Southend then completed the tin-potted hattrick by letting off fireworks because they'd won.

Out of the stadium and walking back to the car I overheard a couple of Southend fans. Fan 1 'I don't know how on earth we managed to win that!'. Fan 2 'Yeah we were bloody lucky'. Just about summed it up.

A decent drive home, watching fireworks in the sky (but keeping my eyes on the road).

Thoughts afterwards:

I am proud to be an Oxford fan. The support was magnificent today, keeping the team going when they were behind, applauding the team off at half and full times, despite losing.

We didn't miss Duberry or McLaren quite as much as I thought we might, but we need need need a forward who is prepared to take defenders on and go past them (not sideways, Alfie). That was the difference up front today. Could that be Franks?

Southend won't win the league. Too much long ball stuff, not enough skill. The man of the match was their (on loan) keeper.

I don't 'get' Deane Smalley at all. Can someone tell me what he brings to the team, because I must have sone sort of blind spot where he is concerned.

I am giving Tuesday night a miss, so I'll see you all at Sheffield Utd. It'll be nice to have a match where there is no real pressure. A draw would be good, we can have a great night at out place for the return! A win would be better of course ;)

Cheers and COME ON YOU YELLOWS!

Long Distance Love (vs Port Vale L2)

Hello all -

The second home match in a week. And one that looked as if it was going to be much more difficult than Plymouth. Port Vale always give us a decent match - we won both fixtures 2-1 last season, and a win today would be important. For all that managers like to say that there are no easy matches, I'll stick my neck out and say that our last five league matches (Hereford, Bristol Rovers, Macclesfield, Gillingham and Plymouth) were easier than our next four (Port Vale, Southend, Crawley and Cheltenham) will be. Especially given that Southend and Crawley are away. So, important to get three points before we go on our travels.

I have to get out of the house early to give Mrs Z a lift to the garage, so I decided to make tracks to the stadium early. I prefer to park behind the east stand since it's a lot quicker to get out. There had been rumours of trouble - some of which had been stirred up by a silly 15 year old Swindon supporter, but some of which stemmed from incidents between the two sets of supporters last year. I have to say the atmosphere last year at Port Vale after the match was a bit nasty. Anyway, parking in the east stand car park would probably avoid any of that nonsense and I duly arrived and parked. It looked like there was going to be a decent crowd, with that car park near enough full before 1.45.

The Oxford team was announced as having one enforced change, with Andy Whing coming in for the suspended Batt at right back. It's nice that the team is now so settled and I think that is one of the reasons for our decent form lately. The man to watch in the Vale team was Marc Richards, their striker.

Once in the ground, it was difficult to see what was happening behind the fence, but the mounted police were galloping about, presumably herding the more 'lively' members of the Vale support towards the ground.

The teams ran out, with Port Vale wearing a truly horrible grey strip. Why on earth they weren't wearing their black and white, I don't know.

We kicked off, playing towards the fence end and as has been the case in the last few matches, we made much of the early running. Our first notable chance fell to Peter Leven after five minutes, but he put the ball over the Vale bar. We had almost constant possession though, with Robbie Hall looking particularly lively. He jinked in from the left, and put the ball just wide of the far post, not helped by the touch the ball got from a Vale player. Leven took the corner and swung the ball in. Now generally, our corners are a bit static, with the Us players standing there waiting for the ball to arrive. Duberry had different ideas, making a run from deep. By the time he arrived to head the ball, he was motoring and nobody was going to get in his way, never mind stop him. He headed down and in! One up after ten minutes, and well on top.

Doobs was patently absolutely delighted. He ran down the pitch doing an aeroplane, or a charging Ox, or something. The crowd? "DOOOOOOOOOOOBS'. If Doobs had smiled any wider, the top of his head would have fallen off. Great stuff. The Vale fans (who had been on Duberry's back because of his Stoke connections) went even quieter than they had been before.

Andy Whing had made a terrific tackle early on in the match, but the Vale attacker he was up against beat him for pace and got a cross in. The ball was cut out by Jake Wright though and only a corner resulted. In case I forget to mention it later, that was pretty much the last time anyone got past Whing so easily. He's obviously not really an attacking fullback like Batt (although he did get forward more than I thought he would) but he was solid enough in defence. Occasionally he was left with two attackers to deal with, but that was more due to lack of cover from the midfield or from the wide forward on that side.

In fact, there was space all over the pitch. Hall and Leven put shots narrowly wide and Potter scored but from an offside position. Poor Alfie - he must think it's never going to happen! Port Vale were coming more into the match though, making good use of the space and both Duberry and Wright had been called into action at the East Stand end. Clarke had also made a decent save, but just before half time, it looked as if it was going to be 1-1. The ball bounced in the Oxford area to a Vale player who picked his spot. But Jake Wright threw himself in front of the shot to block it. Back to a grey shirted attacker. Another shot, another block by Wright who fell on the ball with his had suspiciously close to it. A few half hearted appeals, but the ball was cleared.

One of the reasons why the appeals were half-hearted was probably the way the ref had run the game. He was not going to give a free kick for either side if he could posssibly avoid it. Now, in general I applaud that type of reffing, I'd rather the game was allowed to flow. But this chap took that idea to ridiculous extremes. Dodgy tackles went unpunished, wrestling players to the ground was just fine. Taking a free kick from the wrong place with a moving ball with the wall about five yards away? No problem. Still, at least he had been consistent. He blew for half time, bringing to an end a good half of football. We'd bossed the first 25 minutes, the rest had been more even.

Half time came with the whole population of Oxfordshire aged under 11 running round the pitch or penalty shooting on it. The penalty competition was taken at the side of the pitch, to avoid cutting up the already divot ridden penalty area. That needs some attention, groundsman. You've got 10 days.

The second half started with no personnel changes. The yellows went back on the attack, Beano crossing the ball to Alfie who miskicked completely, missing the ball. It found it's way to Leven who put it wide. Hall had another decent effort saved by the Vale keeper, who had apparently been very mouthy in the tunnel at half time. It was easy to see why Port Vale have a decent away record though - they were very dangerous on the break. And they made that count after about twenty minutes of the second half. A lovely through ball found a Vale player on the right of the penalty area who crossed low for Richards to score from a couple of yards out. The Vale crowd erupted as if they'd won the world cup.

They soon shut up though! Peter Leven picked the ball up in midfield and ran about five yards into the Vale half. Then he lobbed the keeper. Which sounds simple. Actually, the thoughts going through my head were...

"What the bloody hell is that supposed to be, Leven?"
"That looks like it's going straight into the keeper's arms."
"That goalie is back pedalling and waving his arms about a lot!"
"Actually it's going a bit higher than I thought, it might even clip the bar!"
"Hold on... hold on... blimey, surely not!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

An absolutely brilliant piece of skill. Surely worthy of winning any match? If it had been a goal in the Premier League it would be on a constant loop on the telly. It still should be. The celebration from the players and in the stands was amazing. Our players were going quite a lot of waving and fist shaking towards the East stand. Or maybe towards the mouthy goalie? Whatever. 2-1 to us. "Leven, from the halfway line, Leven, from the halfway line!!"

Still 25 minutes to go though. Constable put one wide for us, Richards did the same for them. The space on the pitch was unbelievable. Robbie Hall was replaced by his namesake Asa in an attempt to make the midfield a little more solid.

The ref then made his bid for stardom. Having persisted with his 'never give a free kick' attitude for the whole match, he now gave a penalty to Vale for very very little with ten minutes or so to go. An innocuous challenge from Duberry, Marc Richards did the dying swan, the ref pointed to the spot. Ridiculous. Step up Marc Richards - step up Ryan Clarke. Richards shot accurately, but not accurately enough to beat Clarke, who not only guessed right but pushed the ball behind, out of danger. Justice.

Smalley came on to replace the ever-improving Heslop and to waste a bit of time. Vale had one further chance, but Clarke and Davis combined to thwart them. The ref blew his whistle and that was that. An excellent win.

Into the car and home. Listening to the new CD by Half Man Half Biscuit, 90 Bisodol (Crimond). Recommended if you like lower league football, popular culture and sarcasm. Probably not for you if you actually like the music in the X Factor.

Reading all that back, there is so much I haven't mentioned. Potter's dangerous runs, Davis offering an always effective outlet on the left, Whing's defensive abilities, McLarens calmness, Leven's overall class and vision.

Thoughts from the day:

The best match of the season.
Short free kicks are a bad idea about ninety percent of the time! Especially when it just gets passed back to the bloke who took it in the first place.
Port Vale are a decent team, that could quite easily have been a draw. They'll be there or thereabouts at the end of the season.
It's great to see someone enjoying their football as much as Michael Duberry obviously does.
This Oxford team is getting better match by match.
A spectacular goal, a penalty save and lots of good football. Can't wait for the next match...

... which is away at Southend. See you there.

COME ON YOU YELLOWS!

Men Against Boys (vs Plymouth L2)

Hello all -

After a couple of away matches, tonight was the first of two consecutive home matches - which will in turn be followed by a couple of consecutive away (League) matches. Call me old fashioned, but it would be good if the fixtures computer (or bloke with a stubby pencil or whatever) could manage a home - away - home - away pattern.

On paper, tonight's match looked to be the easiest of the season - at home against Plymouth, the team rock bottom of the league. Not only that but Plymouth's financial problems have meant that their players haven't been paid some (or any) of their wages for months, so the team was full of very young players. Probably ones who don't have families or mortgages. It's hard not to sympathise with Plymouth. A team falling down the leagues with financial problems and a good hardcore support. Sound familiar?

Night games are my favourite, and one against a poorly performing team (especially after such a generally good game against Gillingham) was one I was expecting us to get someting out of. A quick dash from work and into the East Stand car park. The weather was on-off raining, but Ok for football, with the rain perhaps adding some zip to the surface.

The Oxford starting XI was announced as unchanged from Gillingham, except that Constable took Smalley's place. Sounds good to me. Smalley was on the bench, along with Payne, Philliskirk, Whing and Asa Hall. I can't say that I recognised any of the Plymouth team apart from Jake Cole, who was in goal for us a while ago. As far as I remember, he came in as cover for an injured Turley and was OK. Since then he's moved on to Barnet and now Plymouth. A sucker for punishment!

Before kickoff there was a touching tribute to a recently deceased young Oxford fan, with flowers being put behind the East Stand goal. Lots of applause (including from the Plymouth fans - thanks) made it a moving few minutes. Let's hope the team could give him a good send off.

We started in our preferred way for the first half, kicking towards the fence end. It looked as if Plymouth had won the toss and chosen.

The match started as many thought it might. For the first ten minutes, we had complete control. Plymouth didn't get the ball and hardly got out of their half. Constable brought a save out of Jake Cole, and then Plymouth got back into it a little and had a shot that Clarke saved. Remember that - it's not going to happen much in this report!

Then Davis drove in from the left and let fly with a shot that was deflected wide of the Pilgrim's goal. From the corner, Jake Cole produced a reflex save from Alfie Potter, but Robbie Hall isn't one to turn a chance down and hit the ball home to put us one up. About a quarter of an hour in. To their credit, Plymouth looked to get back into it fairly quickly and a bit of defensive shenanigans at the back gave them a chance, but Duberry was there to clear it off the line. Oddly enough, that seemed to deflate the Pilgrims more than our goal and truth be told that was their last even semi-effective attack from open play of the evening with only 20 minutes gone. Potter narrowly missed the next chance, then Hall ran past two Plymouth defenders on the left as if they weren't there and fired just wide. Potter and Heslop had two more efforts saved by Cole before halftime (Heslop's was saved with an outstretched leg), but the half finished with us just one goal to the good. Plymouth had looked more and more ragged during the half, with some of the mistimed tackling causing winces in the stands. A couple of them had been booked early, and the ref had shown considerable restraint with one of them, who could quite easily have has a second yellow for a tackle similar to his first offence.

No dancing girls at half time, so I went to point percy at the porcelain (stanley at the stainless steel?). In the loos were a Community police officer, a steward and the smell of fags (although I couldn't see anyone smoking while I was down there). Back on the pitch some kids were kicking the ball at the goal. The mood in the stands was good. In truth, Plymouth hadn't been much of a threat and we would have been more than one up except for Jake Cole.

So the second half. Kicking towards the east stand, those of us sitting/standing there were looking forward to some goalmouth action! There was a bit of a lack of urgency from the men in yellow though. There is 'retaining possession' and there is 'arsing about with it'. CW calls it 'overplaying it', but 'arsing about' more accurate. We needed some more urgency in the play. Not hoofing it, but a bit more snap, more speed, more movement off the ball. What could give us the boot up the bum we needed?

A Plymouth equaliser. A bit of arsing about led to us losing the ball and giving away a free kick inside our own half to the right hand side. The ball was delivered into box, and bounced up between a Plymouth player and Michael Duberry. Doobs decided to try to kick the ball away, but his boot was far far too high and he caught the Plymouth player. The ref blew for a penalty and booked Doobs. Fair enough. It was a dangerous challenge, but not a malicious one. The Plymouth player duly converted the spot kick to level the scores.

Rats. How on earth had we managed to squander that lead? But - as I hinted above - the players in yellow needed a spur, and that was it. The home crowd got behind the team and within ten minutes or so the lead had been restored. The ball was delivered across the box, where Potter was waiting. Unforunately he was slow to react, or forgot where his feet were or something. It went straight past him out to the other side of the box (the Oxford right) where Batt latched onto it and put it back in. Robbie Hall, with a display of wonderful technique, volleyed the thigh-high ball straight past Cole. I hope Potter was taking notes! Lovely.

With 25 minutes to go, that was it. Plymouth now looked dispirited and disorganised. There was no way they were coming back. That was confirmed a couple of minutes later when a simple long ball from the again-excellent Davis found both Potter and Constable onside with the goal at their mercy. Potter unselfishly nodded the ball on for Constable who made no mistake and made it three. Some of the football we were now playing would have graced any pitch in any league. One of the classiest players on the Oxford side, Peter Leven had been quietly pulling the strings all evening. A lovely move ended up with Leven out on the Oxford left, Cole came out to narrow the angle (having been let down by his defence again) and Leven gloriously lobbed him. A lovely touch. That was four.

McLaren, Hall and Duberry were now replaced by Payne, Philliskirk and Whing.

Alfie Potter had been good all evening, but he is finding it impossible to score. With a few minutes left he had a golden opportunity to put that right. He was put through one-on-one against the keeper, but as we all watched and waited and waited and waited for him to put the ball over or past Cole, he tamely ran it straight into the keeper's arms. Alfie!

Having had a bit of a 'finishing from a cross' lesson from Hall, Potter now had a 'finishing from a through ball' lesson from Constable. Leven put another slide rule pass though to Beano, who slipped in under the keeper the make it 5-1. Cole and his defender then squared up to each other, not the sign of a united squad, and there was still remonstration between various men in green as the restart was taken. But time was up.

An excellent win, albeit against a very poor team. A decent crowd had seen a good performance with five goals - maybe some of them will be back for Saturday's match against Port Vale. One peron who won't be is Damien Batt, whose yellow for dissent (I think) will rule him out. Silly boy.

Home to bed. Mrs ZeroTheHero 'Did you win?'. Me 'Yes, five-one'. Mrs Z 'Is that good?'. I give up!

Thoughts from the match:

Well done the Plymouth support. Travelled in numbers and judging by all the arm waving etc made a decent noise. I say that, because as we all know it is virtually impossible to hear any noise from the away support in the east stand and vice versa!

But they are going to be supporting a conference team next year unless the team is improved very markedly, very quickly.

Once we move the ball just 10% quicker, we look 50% better.

Beano proved his worth again. Even before he scored he was effective.

See you all at the Port Vale game - let's hope rumours of trouble from Burslem prove false.

Come On You Yellows!

The Game That Drives You Popping Mad (vs Gilingham, L2)

Hello all,

First, a challenge. Can you remember the source of the title of this post? It is relevant, and you've got the rest of the article to remember. Answer at the end.

So, Gillingham. Not a lovely place, or a lovely trip for me. Down the M1, round the benighted M25. I considered going by train, but the extortionate cost (about £40 plus another six quid to park at the station) put me off. If the government are serious about getting people off the roads, they have to make public transport affordable for normal working people. Obviously most other people think the same, judging by the number of them trundling along the motorways bumper to bumper. But it kept moving (albeit slowly at times) and I was in the Priestfield Stadium by about 2.30. It's the second time I've been there, and the away facilities don't get any better. An open topped stand consisting of 'temporary' seating balanced on a forest of scaffolding poles. So long has it been there that the plastic seats are sun/rain/snow weathered and look (frankly) very tatty indeed. To make matters worse, they only open the top half of this structure, so there are loads of empty seats between the away supporters and the pitch. Not only does this spoil the atmosphere for the visiting supporters, it leaves the fans exposed to the elements. Today's weather was dry with bright sunlight (good) but an unexpectedly cold blustery wind (bad). And for the privilege of sitting in this top notch comfort? Only £20. Thanks.

The match was preceded by some cheerleading type stuff from the Gillingham girls, who all seemed to have washed their shorts on far too hot a wash. It was vaguely in time with the rather distorted music coming out of the antiquated PA. I'm at the age when peering at very young ladies with tight shorts wiggling about feels rather pervy, so I had to peep between my fingers so nobody saw me.

Thankfuly the PA announcer soon came on to inform us that the Oxford team was Clarke, Batt, Duberry, Wright and Davis, with McLaren, Heslop and Leven in midfield and a strike force of Robbie Hall, Smalley and Potter. Hmm. There's only one goalscorer there. Constable and newly returning loanee Danny Philliskirk were on the bench, along with Asa Hall, Kinniborough and Whing.

The first half started with the Us kicking towards the teetering heap of scaffolding with yellows fans balanced on it. The match was fairly even to start with, but the ref was showing signs of the bizarre style he adopted later on. After a couple of Gills corners had come to not much, during another Gills attack, one of their players went down close to half way. It hadn't been a foul, so the ref let play go on as long as the home side looked threatening. Eventually we got the ball off them and started a counter-attack. Peep! went the ref's whistle. Oh right, so it's OK for one team to play on, but not the other. And then, rather than telling the Gills to give us the ball back, he decided a contested drop ball was a good idea. Plonker.

Shortly after, Alfie got free and after a mazy run smacked the ball well wide of the goal. I say mazy, it was mostly sideways - something that was repeated ad nauseam throughout the game. The Gills had a couple of long range shots, but Clarke dealt with them with his customary ease. I am very impressed that he hardly ever spills the ball from long shots. He looks as safe as houses. Robbie Hall was hacked down in the Gills penalty area, but the weak and fussy ref waved play on. We were now in the ascendency all over the pitch, with Gillingham looking very very poor. But as happens so often, we failed to take advantage by actually scoring a goal. Smalley was having another poor game, he doesn't look threatening and up front centrally on his own looks a long way short of what we need. Alfie was running his socks off, not always in the right direction and not always picking the right option at the end of the run, but he was putting a shift in. Hall (R) is lively and bright, but we can't rely on a 17 year old loanee for ALL our goals! The lack of striking power was very frustrating, because all over the rest of the pitch we looked very good indeed.

Then, about five minutes before half time, what turned out to be the decisive incident. Smalley went down with a head injury. Gillingham played on (that's fine, it's not their job to stop the game) - the ref (who job it IS) did bugger all. Thanks again mate. What happened to consistency? Smalley had to go off (holding a cloth to his head to staunch the blood). That's fine, we've got both Constable and Philliskirk on the bench. One of them would come on.

Except they didn't. For some reason CW decided to try and hang on until half time, so the misfiring Smalley could be brought back on after being patched up. I'd have thought it would have been an ideal opportunity to replace him. But no, we soldiered on with 10 men. So when the ball came up to Potter on the right, he had no striker to give it to. So he went backwards to try and find a yellow shirt to help him. He lost it and the ball went down the other end, a decent save from Clarke went eventually to a blue shirted Gill just outside the penalty area who unleashed a thunderbolt that Clarke had no chance of stopping. If we'd had eleven players on the pitch - who knows? Personally I feel it was a poor piece of thinking.

That just about finished the half. Somehow we had looked excellent, without coming particularly close to scoring and had managed to be behind. Quite an odd half of football really. The dancers came on again, some kids kicked a ball about in the goalmouth down the other end, the wind got colder.

So the second half started with Smalley repaired (looking rather like a boiled egg in a white eggcup) and no changes. After five minutes or so, it looked as if the ref had given us a lifeline, handing a second yellow card and therefore a red to a Gills player. So they were down to ten. They'd made it count in the five minutes when we were short and now we had 40 minutes to try and do the same. Heslop had a decent shot saved by the keeper and was looking dangerous. We were well on top. But just like last week at Macclesfield, for some reason Heslop was then taken off when he was looking good, this time to be replaced by Constable. I'm not sure what this taking Heslop off tactic is. He is the one midfielder likely to score from range. So now we had Constable up the middle, Mr Egg on the right and Robbie Hall on the left. Alfie was (I think) playing behind them. The ever-reliable Davis was combining well with Potter, with each of them setting up a chance for the other. Davis's effort was a lot closer than Potter's. But it looked like a goal was likely. Hall, Constable and Potter all had decent chances.

You'll notice that Smalley's name hasn't cropped up amounst those who were peppering the Gills goal. Obviously CW noticed as well (and about bloody time) and took him off, bringing on Danny Philliskirk. Whose first involvement in the game was to get himself booked. The ref obviously enjoyed the feeling he got from waving the card, bacause he now started to wave it at any yellows player who made a tackle. In fact he lost control of the game for the last 25 minutes or so, really - I'd guess the referee's assessor is going to have to buy some more red ink on Monday.

Gillingham were now putting all their players behind the ball, and threatening on the break. In fact they scored one that was ruled out for a (correct) offside. McLaren went off to be replaced by Asa Hall whose first two touches were terrible, but settled down after that. Jake Wright made a couple of horrible defensive mistakes passing back across his own area, luckily neither of which resulted in a goal. If you are under pressure, Jake - just hoof it onto the stands or up the pitch. Rolling it across your own penalty area is a bad idea.

Then another Gillingham player got himself sent off - a straight red for a two footed off the ground lunge on Asa Hall. But there was only a couple of minutes to go. And then the golden chance for us to level it. Constable beat the offside trap, lobbing t he oncoming goalkeeper. But with the whole goal to go for, he put it three yards wide of the right hand post. Noooooo.

And that was about it. The ref waved cards at Oxford players for no good reason, Clarke kept the score down to one with a good save, and that was it. Bugger. We'd done more than enough over the course of the match to earn at least a point, probably three. Poor finishing had cost us. But it was difficult to be too downhearted. We had lost, but the performance had been good. Much better than at Macc, where we had earned a point. Perhaps if we pretend that we had lost at Macclesfield and drawn at Gillingham? Yes, that's better.

Quickly out of the ground, back onto an ever slower M25, a dash up the A1(M) as an alternative to the M1 and home.

Thoughts from the day:

I am sorry, but I don't think Smalley is good enough. Every striker has lean patches where the don't score. But Smalley isn't even involved in the game for 90% of the time. There are a lot of things he can do when not directly involved. Track back, tackle, make runs across the defence to make space for teammates, just make a nuisance of himself. Maybe he needs to play in a team where he gets better delivery? Maybe he's injured? I don't know what it is - but give me a striker who is missing goals rather than one who goes missing any day.

We are still a bit sluggish in midfield. Heslop isn't quick either, but at least he carries a goal threat. Keep him on.

When BOTH sets of supporters are singing 'you don't know what you're doing' at the ref at the same time, you know he's had a total stinker.

A losing performance that was more encouraging than last weekend's draw.

Two home matches next - Plymouth on Tuesday and Port Vale on Saturday. Given that the two matches after that are away to Southend and Crawley, I think the two home matches are pretty much 'must wins' if we want to be able to look at the table without wincing in a month's time.

See you on Tuesday - COME ON YOU YELLOWS.

And the title of this post is the 'catchphrase' for the boardgame Frustration, which sums up my feeling about today!

A Rose by Any Other Name vs Macclesfield (L2)

Hi all -

Firstly an apology for the lack of a post after the Bristol Rovers game. Seeing as how there were over 9,000 there, you probably all saw it anyhow. It's water under the bridge now a week on, but I'd just like to highlight Ryan Clarke's excellent first half saves when the game was 0-0. It might have been very different if one of those had gone in. As it was, it ended up being a comprehensive and deserved victory over what looks like a mid table team.

On to today and away at Macclesfield. I decided to go up on the train. It's not a difficult journey, with the walk up the hill from the station to the Moss Rose being the worst bit! I'm a 'shirter' and it's always interesting when travelling by train when other supporters of all sorts of teams recognise the shirt/scarf/jesters hat/foam hand. First up were a couple of Fulham fans at Milton Keynes station. One of them reckoned he used to play for Wycombe and had played us a couple of times - might be true (who in their right mind would make up playing for Wycombe?). Anyway a bit of a natter, mutual good wishes (they were on the way to Stoke) and the train arrived. It was a change at Stoke for me as well, onto a Northern Trains errm train. A young couple spotted the shirt on that train and confessed they were Port Vale fans. Pleasant enough, but not coming to us in a couple of weeks because they had tickets for Jason Mamford apparently. Oh right. Again mutual good wishes (I had my fingers crossed though, so it didn't count) and into Macclesfield station to face the slog up the hill.

A couple of non-shirter Oxford fans spotted me and offered me and another chap a lift to the ground in their taxi. Very kind indeed, don't mind if I do. Turns out they are from Milton Keynes, so hello to them if they read this. The walk almost finished my dodgy lungs off last time, so much appreciated. Hello also to the other chap, who said he was from Sheffield. So I got to the the Moss Rose in very good time, and it brought back memories of the last time we were there (2 up at half time before Macc cheekily changed their tactics and ran out 3-2 winners. That was a terrible trip!). I was just hoping that the day went bettert his time around.

The Moss Rose shows signs of it's non-league past, but it's tidy enough and plenty big enough for the small crowds that turn up. 2,300 today apparently - with over 500 from Oxford. It must be difficult to get decent crowds with so many football clubs in such a small area. And I guess the financial situation isn't helping either, which (like so many manufacturing towns) Macclesfield looking a bit down at heel in places. Unlike some other places (Port Vale and Gilingham, I'm looking at you!) there is nice countryside very close, and the locals were pretty friendly.

The Oxford team was the normal back five (Clarke, Duberry, Wright, Batt and Davis), a midfield of Heslop, Mclaren and Leven and a nominal front three of Constable, Potter and Haworth. I guess that's a sort of 4-1-4-1 really, with McLaren sitting in front of the back four and Constable on his own up top (not my favourite role for him).

The sun was shining down , which is a good thing for the away support as the terrace is uncovered but a bad thing for the goalie at the away end as it must have been shining right in his eyes. The Macc goalie was the old Tamworth stopper Jose Veiga. More on him later, but he was in the sun first half, with the Us kicking towards the travelling fans. The low sun also had the effect of making the pitch markings very hard to see as a spectator. I could see the six yard area, just about make out the far end of the penalty box and the 'D'. After that - all guesswork.

The opening exchanges were pretty even with us making a decent start for once. In fact Macclesfield looked nervous, constantly giving the ball away. They did have couple of chances - one fizzing past Clarke's far post and one that he parried away. But it wasn't one way traffic, with Heslop hitting a shot into the goalies arms and Constable smacking one well over the bar when he might have done better. After about 20 minutes, Davis got free down the left and put in a beautiful driven cross-cum-shot. If only someone had gambled and got closer to the goal, it would have been a tap in.

Macclesfield weren't particularly dangerous in open play but were using their corners and Lewis Chalmers' long throws to threaten. An unmarked Macc striker headed wastefully over from one corner, and Clarke dived at a blue shirted attacker's feet to snuff out another attack.

Half time came. It hadn't be a particularly exciting half to be honest. We were misfiring (with too much in the air from back to front) and Macc weren't good enough to take advantage. Duberry's ball out of defence was a bit bizzare sometimes, hitting it straight up the pitch to precisely nobody. Into the corners would have been better. But his defending was top notch again. As the half had gone on, the Macc players had to a large extent given up challenging Doobs in the air - they knew he was going to win it anyway. The half time entertainment was an Under 10's side kicking the ball about. Fair enough, but the PA announcer's constant and repeated pleas for people to join the Under 10's club nearly made me want to volunteer just to shut him up. Nearly. The only thing under 10 about me is my dainty little feet. And no, it's not true what they say...

Ahem. Back to the football. Haworth had taken a knock in the first half, and was replaced by Robbie Hall at half time. Straight away, the lively Hall hit the Silkmen's crossbar, the ball flicking off to safety. Rats. Another shot from Heslop saw their goalie make a decent save. Now Veiga might be a decent shot stopper, but he can't kick. His dead ball kicks barely reached the half way line (probably - since I couldn't actually see it!), and he preferred to pass the ball to his defenders so they could hoof it for him. We were actually looking dangerous though, and it was a complete surprise when Heslop (who had carried the ball from back to front reasonably effectively and had made their goalie work) was subbed by Deane Smalley. Taking off a midfielder and replacing him with a striker? Hmm, not too sure about the wisdom of that really. Especially when that meant Smalley and Constable on the pitch together. They are very similar IMO. Neither is a real target man, neither is blessed with great speed, and both like to play down the middle.

A couple of minutes later (although not really caused by the substitution in any way), Macc took the lead. They too hit the crossbar, but instead of the ball harmlessly going over it bouced back and a Macc head put it just inside the post on the far side. Clarke was stranded and we were one down with about 20 minutes (plus important injury time) to go.

That ended Macclesfields ambition for the afternoon, seemingly they were happy to defend the one goal lead. So their game plan changed to inviting us on (and trying to hit us on the break) and wasting time, which the ref did little to stop. McLaren went off with a quarter of an hour to go, replaced by Asa Hall (wonder if him and Robbie Hal are brothers?). Normally when McLaren goes off, we ship a goal - but in this case there was little to lose, and Asa is certainly a more attacking option. Not that we looked much like getting an equaliser. Alfie hit the side netting when he might have been better pulling it back, Beano managed to get a point blank header saved by the goalie - instinctive reaction? Luck? A good save anyway. Then with just a minute left of injury time, Robbie Hall popped up with an equaliser - somehow making some space in the penalty are to silence the home fans and to give the yellow army something to cheer.
There wasn't long left, but Oxford poured forwards in search of a winner. However time ran out, and the ref blew a halt with the score 1-1.

Another away point. Brilliant. A brisk walk down the hill (so much easier!), a bit more natter with the MK-based Yellows supporters and another fan onhis way back to Oxford on the way back to Stoke and then onto MK and home. Amazing how many supporters were on the train. Not Yellows particularly, but loads of prem supporters on their way back down to London on the train.

So - the verdict? By no means a vintage Oxford performance. Too much head tennis. Erratic passing. But a good point, and due to other results largely going our way, up to third in the table.
We won't remember the game at the end of the season, but the point won't do us any harm! Man of the match - probably Clarke. He must be the best keeper in the division, and has come on leaps and bounds this season.

Next match - away at Gillingham. We will have to be better than we were today if we are going to get anything out of that one. I'll be there.

Come On You Yellows!

Do the Stanley (L2)

Hello everyone. In a desperate attempt to keep you all reading to the end, this month there's a quiz. Which 70's band had a song with the same title as this aticle? The answer will be at the end, but no cheating by scrolling down!

Anyway - my first home match for a month as I missed the Burton game. So in the search for new experiences, I decided to try a new route to the stadium from my North Beds home. I decided to go via Cardiff. And since my satnav was feeling playful, it sent me via Birmingham and Ross-On- Wye. An interesting route, if perhaps a bit longer than my usual one! Actually there was method in my madness. My daughter is at uni in Cardiff and needed all her stuff taking down. So rather than go to footy today and drive down to Cardiff tomorrow (when one possible route would take me past the stadium on the way there and back) I combined both trips, thus saving three hours worth of driving and quite a lot of petrol. So, an early start, down to Cardiff and back to the stadium. A good trip - in fact I managed to get back to the stadium by 1 pm. Normally that would have meant a long wait until the match, but OxVox were having a question and answer session with Kelvin before kickoff - starting at about 1pm (good timing).

It was an interesting session with Kelvin, and I'm sure the meeting notes will be released soon, so I won't bother with any half baked efforts here. Suffice to say that Kelvin was his normal self and dealt with all the questions put to him. Including those put by 'Ken'. Those of you who listen to Radio Oxford will doubtless be familiar with Ken's contributions to football phone ins. His 'contribution' to the meeting was in much the same vein. Enough said.

If you want to hear from the owner of the club, apparently he is going to do a similar Q&A session sometime - you might want to join OxVox if you aren't a member already. It's cheap and gives the fans some sort of voice with the club.

Kelvin had let us know that there were injury problems with Ryan James (which we knew about) and Harry Worley (which we didn't) - so it wasn't a real surprise that Whing was filling in for the suspended Wright as Duberry's partner in the middle of defence. So it was Clarke - Davis Whing Duberry Batt - McLaren Leven Heslop - Hall (R) Constable Potter.

We started off in our favoured way - playing towards the fence end. Now Accrington haven't been pulling up trees this season, so it was rather a surprise how good they were. Or maybe how good we made them look. A lack of challenging in midfield let a Stanley player just wander down the middle of the pitch and (as the reorganised central defence looked at each other) have a free shot. Luckily he missed. It looked as if that had been put to rights a couple of minutes later as another Stanley attacker was given the freedom of the penalty area. He smacked the ball against the post and a couple of red-shirted attackers were there for the rebound - one of whom put the ball in the net past Clarke. The lino had other ideas, awarding offside. Now I can't be sure, but since nobody touched the ball since the original shot (and I don't think anyone was offside when the original shot was hit) I very much suspect that we got away with one there. Four minutes gone and we could very easily have been two down. I know we are slow starters but this was ridiculous.

Peter Leven whacked a shot at the Stanley goal since the strikers weren't going to. The goalie held it. Then Clarke made two fine saves in a minute. First he managed to get fingertips to a shot that was going in the top corner, and then he somehow managed to get a header away at his far post from the ensuing quadrant kick (I didn't want to say corner again in the same sentence. But it was a corner). Two excellent saves. The first one especially was the equivalent of a striker scoring a great goal. Sometimes I think it is hard on goalkeepers, as their mistakes or failures to save are noted on the score sheet. A striker doesn't get noticed in quite the same way. About 20 minutes gone, and we could well have been three down.

If you want to know what the rest of our team were doing during this time, the answer is 'not much'. The whole team was completely disjointed - which couldn't be explained just by a change of centreback. It was all much too slow, Constable was on his own centrally in attack and was being marked out of the game. The midfield had given up tackling, and running into space had obviously not been on this week's training schedule. Potter refused to stay wide and drifted all over the place - often meaning that there was no outlet up the line for the defence to try and relieve the pressure. Davis was making some decent runs up the left hand side, but quite often there was only the double-marked Constable in the middle to try and cross to. Heslop put one well over the bar from distance but that was about the extent of our attacking threat.

Then after about half an hour, we somehow took the lead. McLaren took a pot at goal from a free kick. It was going well, well wide. Then a Stanley defender got in the way, it deflected wickedly and looped into the middle of the goal. Blimey. That was no shots on target, one goal. Would it be our day?

Constable decided that if he couldn't do much up front, he might as well make a difference elsewhere on the pitch and was helping out at the back, in midfield and anywhere else the ball was. It's something I like about his play, but when he is the lone central striker, he shouldn't really have to be doing it! He did have one excellent shot blocked by the goalies legs, but the offside flag was already waving. Something else that was waving was the referees arm, mostly with his hand holding a yellow card in the direction of a Stanley player. However it was a feature of the ref's play that he was quite happy to make decisions in the middle area of the pitch, but was obviously reluctant to give either team much in a very dangerous position. He wasn't very good.

Half time came. Somehow we were in the lead. How Accrington weren't level or even well ahead must have baffled them as they sat in the changing rooms sucking their half-time orange quarters. Do they still do that or is it all isotonic drinks etc? I think I know the answer really.

As was mentioned to me by an astute observer at half time, it's a bit odd that the subs spend all half time warming up. If they aren't going to come on imminently then it's a bit of a waste of time, if they are going to come on then surely they should be in the changing-room listening to the managers pearls of wisdom? They can always do that running up and down the touchline thing can't they. Substitutes (all one of them) used to sit in the dugouts smoking a fag or two and drinking beer before they came on, didn't they?

So - no changes at half time. Let's hope that the second half performance would be the good half (since we only seem to get half a match of decent stuff at home). Not much happened for the first seven or eight minutes. Good - surely that's what we wanted. Stanley were looking like less of an attacking threat, and we were starting (just starting, mind you) to look a bit more comfortable in posession. Then for some reason, CW decided to make a double substitution. I don't hold with this unless things are going patently belly-up, and especially to do what was done in this case: replacing two players in midfield at the same time. Off came McLaren and Heslop, on came Haworth and Payne. Oh lord. McLaren is the shield that protects the back four, especially the centre backs, especially a new and slightly uncertain centre back pairing. Payne doesn't do that, being a more 'flair' player. Heslop at least challenges for the ball centrally. Haworth is a wide player.

So now we had three wide players on the pitch (Hall, Haworth and Potter), one central striker, Leven and Payne in central midfield. Now it's fairly well proven this season that with McLaren on the pitch we let in a lot less goals than when he isn't there. But he is always being subbed. To old, too unfit? Apparently not according to his post match interview, he wants to (and can) play the full 90 minutes. So why oh why is he being constantly subbed?

Constable was quick to latch onto a centrally lofted free kick (Leven I think) but could only hit it staright at the close and getting rapidly closer keeper. But it was Stanley who looked more likely to score next, and despite another classy save from Clarke, they did so on about the hour mark. A bad clearance (straight to a red shirt, not for the first or last time) was whacked straight past Clarke to level the scores. No more than Stanley deserved. They had actually outclassed the home team for long periods of the game without any rewards.

The wind was now in Stanley's sails you'd have thought, but they actually started to play for the draw now. The Us attack didn't look likely to change the outcome of the game until the last five minutes or so, when the prospect of being bollocked by the manager after yet another home draw seemed to get them going. Hall was taken off and replaced by Smalley, to no great effect. A spell of sustained pressure lead to a Doobs header clipping off the top of the crossbar, but that was about it.

Man of the Match - Clarke by a country mile.

I'm not sure the team deserved the chorus of boos that greeted them at the final whistle, really. It had indeed been a very poor performance, but I'd have thought there was some credit in the bank from the last two away trips. I suspect the people booing don't bother with away trips in the main though.

Glass half full - undefeated at home, only a couple of points off the playoffs.
Glass half empty - seven points at home out of a possible 15 is midtable form at best.

Since ten have gone, I'll make my prediction for the season. We will either make the final play off spot, or miss it by one place. So 7th or 8th.

Next match is away at Hereford. I've had enough of driving Walesward and Hereford is a three hour drive for me, I'll probably give it a miss.

Oh - Stackridge!

Giving bad Barnet a trim (L2)

Well, having missed the two previous matches (away for Burton, couldn't face the maximum 50mph M1 and the congested M25 at rush hour for Daggers) this was one I was looking forward to. The jalopy has been 'repaired', costing more than the car is worth (actually the OUFC sticker on the back window is probably more valuable than the car) but it works again. It managed to get me and the family back and forth to Cornwall, so maybe it will be OK for a while.

So , down the maximum 50mph M1 and the congested M25 (doh!) to Barnet, who had won their last match. Admittedly their last match was against the hapless Plymouth, but even so. I left a bit earlier than I would normally - I'm sure those of you who have been reading this blog a while (and those who have driven to a match at Barnet of course) will remember that the 'car park' is actually the car park of High Barnet station. Only £1.50, but there aren't that many spaces, and some of them are inconsiderately used by people who actually want to use the tube. But I got there early enough to get a space, and sat eating my lunch and listening to Arsenal making a complete Horlicks of their match at Blackburn. There were lots of people driving into the car park during all this excitement (cold pizza and some crisps, if you're asking - I know how to live) and not finding any spaces. I hope everyone got somewhere reasonably close.

Once Blackburn scored their fourth (!), I made my way over to Underhill, home of hairy Hobbits. Except he wasn't starting, apparently having been send out by Evil Wizard Lorisanchez to buy some more pipeweed. Our team was the same as started at Dagenham - which meant my first sight of new boy Robert Hall. So, Clarke - Batt Wright Duberry Davis - Heslop McLaren Leven - Hall Constable Potter. Subs were Smalley Whing Payne Worley and other new loanee Andy Haworth.

We were housed in the east Stand (home from home!) which runs down the side of the pitch. Its divided into two with what looks like the stuff you put over strawberries to stop the birds nicking them. Barnet fans one end, us the other. There's a slope.

The north face of the Barnet slope

Two things got in my way to start with - a pillar and a pillock.

Annoying pillar and grinning pillock

Anyway, we kicked off playing left to right, wearing the blue and white away kit. I suppose there might have been a clash with the road mender orange that Barnet wear. Mind you the ref obviously didn't think so, as he wore yellow. Hi-Vis yellow. Normally people who wear hi-vis yellow jackets are jumped up jobsworths with ideas above their station, and inflated ideas of their own competence. Unfortunately Mr Berry in general conformed to this stereotype.

By kickoff it was getting pretty crowded in the Oxford part of the ground. Here is a picture of the massed ranks of Barnet faithful. Good job Aresenal weren't at home eh!


That's slightly unfair, as it was five minutes before kickoff. The crowd at that end swelled to about 25 eventually. I'd found a nice open part of the crowded Oxford terrace, only to realise why it was unpopulated as the first drips from the corroded gutter piping above me went down my neck. At least I hope it was a gutter and nothing to do with the toilets. I moved. Straight into the smelly smoke from a yellow smoke bomb. Cough.

Anyway, the match now started, us playing up hill. Alfie put a nice cross it that Beano arrived too late to connect with and Barnet started by playing the ball about reasonably well, if completely unthreateningly. Their main weapon were their corners of which they had a few in the first half of the first half. We looked dangerous on the break, but it seemed we'd gone one behind after about 20 minutes when Barnet got the ball in the net. But in homage to the Rugby World cup, a Barnet player had used an arm, so the referee gave a knock-on and we had a free kick. The Barnet crowd to our left (who had briefly woken from their pipeweed induced slumber to say hurrah!) shut up again. I had previously assumed that I hadn't been able to hear them singing, shouting or cheering their side on because of some fiendish trick of accoustics. But I heard them then. Which meant that there was no singing, cheering or shouting actually going on, the other side of the strawberry netting for the majority of the time. 'Lets pretend that we're at home' sang the yellow army. We might as well have been.

The ref was having a mare. He was giving free kicks every time a Barnet player got touched by an Oxford one. So we hated him. But in many cases, Barnet would rather have played on as they had the advantage (a rule that the ref didn't apply). So the Barnet lot hated him as well. But two wrongs don't make a right. He was dreadful. His booking of Jake Wright around this time was probably fair enough - Jake had let the attacker get the wrong side of him and brought him down. Barnet lumped the free kick towards their tall lumberng forwards to no effect.

Shortly afterwards, we went ahead. Alfie popped up on the left wing for a change, Leven spotted him and sent in a peach of a pass, Alfie collected it and sent in a low cross that was partially cleared. Now if there's one person in the Oxford team that, as an opposition defender, you wouldn't want to see on the outskirts of you penalty box with the ball, time and the whole goal to aim for - it would be Simon Heslop. The ball fell to him, he looked up, picked his spot and drove it into the net. The odd thing was that as soon as he got the ball under control, I and everyone around me, was just expecting the net to bulge. He didn't even vaguely look as if he was going to miss. An classy and composed finish. We went loopy of course. Excellent. One up with a quarter of an hour until half time. Could we hold the lead until then? Well, Barnet came straight back at us, and there were a couple of frantic moments in the Oxford penalty area, including a handball/penalty shout against Jake Wright. But the ball was lashed at him from about three yards, and his hands weren't waving about - so no penalty.

Hall then put in a good cross that there was no forward quick enough to catch up with, and we had a couple of other shots blocked. But then we did score. The excellent Liam Davis gathered the ball, passed inside to Leven. Leven with his second 'assist' (I hate that) of the match returned the ball to him - Davis had carried on his run, gathered the ball and smashed it into the side netting. Cue polite applause all around me. A good move. But hold on, why were our players all mobbing Davis? Why was the ref running back towards the centre spot? Why were the shoulders of the Barnet players drooping even lower? Well, of course - it was a goal! Everyone on the yellow terrace thought it had missed. Everyone was wrong. Eveyone including me is going to have to watch the highlights! Brilliant. After a moment or two of silence - more pandemonium. We kept going forward in search of a third, but half time (and a timely tackle on Alfie by a Barnet defender) put paid to that. Peep! Half time.

No dancing girls, just a little lad running up the centre line on his birthday. Generous applause from all supporters. Aaah.

Unless I've got that wrong, and it was Sam Deering doing his warm up. The diminutive ex-Us player came on for the second half. He didn't get much of a welcome from the Us fans , good or bad. He obviously does get a decent welcome from the local pie shops (wouldn't be any of those nasty foreign food places, would it Sam?) - he's grown a bit sideways if not vertically. He was rubbish. Kept losing the ball, hitting it straight out of play, running down blind alleys. All the while, somehow looking promising. It's a good trick, but one that the Oxford management eventually saw through.

Oxford started the half well, looking to increase their lead. Barnet defended decently, with players throwing themselves in front of the ball to stop us. Davis got booked for nothing much, fouls that one side got penalised for were let go for the other and apparently you can be offside even if you've started your run from your own half when the ball was kicked. Sigh.

Clarke made a good flying save, the Barnet goalie made a lucky save with an outstretched leg from Beano. Barnet had given up playing much football though and Sanchez, perhaps reverting to crazy gang type, had obviously decided that route one football was the order of the day. Hoof went the ball. Head went Duberry. Hoof went the ball. Head went Duberry. Sam Deering was probably getting neckache just watching. A Barnet forward had a headed chance, but headed down too much and the ball lofted over the bar. Clarke would have got it if it had been on target, as it was at a fairly tight angle.

Haworth came on for Heslop, showing some immediate touches of class and impressive pace, and couple of Leven free kicks caused trouble in the Barnet area, with one in particular being cleared either very luckily or extremely skillfully over his own bar by a Barnet player. With about a quarter of an hout to go, the influential McLaren went off to be replace by Whing in central defensive midfield (where he looks happier than at right back to be honest) and Constable went off to be replaced by Smalley. Smalley quickly made a decent chance for hiself, but was denied by the Barnet keeper. Haworth was booked, and Barnet hit the post. It could have made for a nervy last few minutes if it had gone in, but in truth Barnet were a spent force.

There was one last sting in the tail. Wright tackled Deering who went down as if every bone beneath the waist was broken. The ref waited, Derring rolled about a bit more and Wright got his second yellow of the match and his marching orders. 'Its a miracle'. Deering then got up and ran about, like Lazarus with deep heat rubbed into his arse. Nasty little shit. Glad we got of him. So it will be a Duberry/Worley partnership on Saturday next. That should be interesting.

A bit more hoofing from Barnet, and that was that. Out quickly, stuck in the car park for a while and then through rainstorms and double rainbows to home.

Barnet are going to struggle this season if they keep playing that long ball stuff. Very ugly. And they seem to have two or three very similar forwards.

As far as we are concerned, I thought it was an all-around decent performance. Davis continues to impress, as does Leven. Alfie was dangerous again, and Doobs is a rock in defence. Clarke looks like the class keeper he is. I still have my concerns over the lack of closing down in midfield, and the strike force again failed to find the net with a defender and a midfielder scoring. But actaully I don't care where the goals come from.

Next match - home to Accrington. I've got to ferry all my uni-going daughters stuff down to Cardiff before the match, and get back in time for kick off. Wish me (and the jalopy) luck - especially since tomorrow's fun includes a trip to Bangor (and back) with all my uni-going sons stuff. And my uni-going son. As the Mighty Boosh's Bollo might say; 'I gotta bad feeling' about this'

A Motley Crewe (L2)

Well I know I said I wasn't going to go, but I did. My car is still knackered (the garage have told me that there is a world shortage of gaffer tape, string and elastic bands) and the car they lent me isn't big enough for me to take the family away for the weekend, which was the original plan. At this point I feel I have to make a confession in the name of accuracy. I misreported the loan car as a crappy green Japanese Daihatsu. In fact on closer inspection it is a crappy green Korean Daewoo. I didn't really trust that marvel of South East Asian engineering to get me all the way up to Gresty Road for today's encounter with Crewe, so I pottered over to Milton Keynes and let the train take the strain. Well actually the wallet took the strain, the train merely took me to Crewe. There is a direct line from MK to Crewe, no changes, first stop.

So up I went, with last weeks poor second half performance playing back in my head. Surely it had to be better than that? Lets see...

Gresty Road is a convenient 5 minute walk from the station and I was there early. There were plenty of yellows there already, the locals were obviously leaving it late to get to the ground. As kickoff approached, it seemed they were leaving it very late indeed. Then I realised. They weren't coming. Behind one goal 25 people huddled together for warmth. Behind the other goal most of them sat as far back as possible, with six schoolkids comprising the singing section. There was plenty of room for them to run around. We were housed in a low stand down one side of the pitch, the large stand opposite was sparsely populated. In fact I wondered if the fans sat in little clumps were trying to spell something out, but if they were it was northern and I didn't understand it. (In fact the most noticeable feature of that stand was the OUFC Crewe flag boldly displayed. Well done, whoever you are!)

Another thing I didn't really understand was the team selection. No Leven and no Beano (a suspiciously convenient calf strain). Let's just hope we have no dead balls that need kicking or goals that need scoring then.

So. The reliable Clarke in goal, a lopsided back four of Whing, Wright, Duberry and Davis, a midfield of Hall, Heslop and McLaren completed by the fearsome strike power of Smalley, Guy and Potter. The Crewe team all looked about 18 years old. And we were dressed in the dark blue kit for some totally unfathomable reason (well actually it's money of course. Never mind tradition, or anything so romantic as that!). Rubbish. Also very similar to the refs all black strip.

Crewe kicked off, and we looked quite good to start with, with an early corner and a misdirected Heslop shot all we had to show for it though. Crewe started to come back into it more and had a great chance after about 10 minutes. Our defence (not for the first time this season) stood on ceremony and simply let the Crewe attacker walk into the box with the ball and have a free shot. Clarke was equal to it though. Poor defending, and the danger signs were now flying. We'd started at a decent tempo but had now slowed down. That meant a reversion to the sideways and backwards passing seemingly so beloved of the management. Surely possession is only of much value when you do something with the ball? More moaning later (bet you can't wait).

Anyway Crewe should have taken the lead after about 15 minutes, when an unmarked man rose to meet a well delivered cross when only three or four yards out. He headed inexcusably wide however. Phew. The match was only a quarter of an hour old and we should really have been two down. We continued to have lots of the ball, but did little with it - our main threat was from long shots from Potter and Heslop. Even Davis blasted one from distance - fairly obvious that the lack of shooting last match had not gone unnoticed by the management. It wasn't very threatening though. You'll notice I haven't mentioned Guy or Smalley at all. There's a reason for that!

We were now thoroughly into the 'arsing about with it' mode of play. No movement off the ball, give the ball back to whoever gave it to you, pass on the floor backwards and sideays, hoof it in the air if going forwards (usually at Potter, as he's the smallest). We all knew what was coming. Crewe were nippy and direct. Now by 'direct' I don't mean route one. They passed the ball on the floor and ran about - usually in a forward direction. And they did it fast. Revolutionary! I've seen it and it's the new thing! It was after half an hour when this policy paid off. A Crewe player simply ran past out heavy-footed defenders and would have scored himself but for a good block (Duberry I think). Unfortunately the ball fell to a red shirt and we were one down. They had now found the key to unlocking the ponderous non-tackling U's defence. They almost repeated the trick a couple of minutes later, but a good dive at the attacker's feet by Clarke save our hides.

Not for long though. A nice bit of passing down their right, a good low cross, the striker nipped in front of Clarke and it was two. A good goal, badly defended. We tried to rally and Smalley had a chance to reduce the arrears from inside the six-yard box, but was back on his heels, recated too slowly and the chance was blocked.

Half time. Lucky to be only two down, it had in truth been about as bad as the second half Aldershot performance. Potter and Heslop had tried some long range shooting, Davis had looked lively and Clarke had made a couple of good saves. I can't find much good to say about anyone else, I'm afraid. Let's hope there would be some changes (in personnel, attitude and in some cases work-rate for the second half).

Well, certainly no change in personnel for the second half. But arses had obviously been soundly kicked. The tempo was immediately better. The play still wasn't particularly threatening or incisive, but at least there was some movement. This lead to (in hindsight) the decisive point of the game. Alfie had a header from a Davis cross, a golden opportunity to reduce the arrears early in the half. With what seemed like acres of the goal to aim at, he put it too close to the keeper - who made a decent save. A few minutes later and another chance fell to Potter, this time on the deck. He put it over the bar.

Batt came on to replace the decidedly stodgy Whing (who really is a full back rather than a Whing-back if you get my drift), but within a few moments the game was over. A simple ball down the middle, Duberry and Wright were neatly bisected and it was three. Goodnight, and thanks very much. There was still 25 minutes of the torture left however.

Payne came on for Heslop and looked neat and tidy - but never likely to unload a 25 yard screamer. Potter missed another chance after Batt crossed to his feet and Guy went off to be replaced by Pittman (much to the relief of the Oxford faithful). We were still dominating possession and eventually got a goal back when a cross from Payne was headed down and into the Crewe net by Liam Davis. That's Davis. The full back. Well done - maybe you'd like to be our new striker? Talking of strikers, Crewe brought one on who looked about ten years old! I know they have a youth policy, but that's taking the mickey. He was quite good.

About a quarter of an hour to go. Could we pull another back and make it at least an exciting finish? Davis had a go. He shot, the goalie missed, the post didn't. It bounced back to Smalley, but guess what? He wasn't anywhere near anticipating it and missed. Poor. There were other efforts from Pittman, McLaren and Batt. But no goals. And Crewe could have made the scoreline embarassing witha late chance that they spurned.

At last the (not bad, but blowing more than a bit!) ref brought proceedings to an end. Back on the train and home in not bad time.

So what did we learn?

If we are going to play the passing game in the way we seem to, then it HAS to be at pace.
Dean Smalley needs to up his game by several thousand percent. He doesn't work hard, he doesn't make a nuisance of himself, he doesn't even jump for headers most of the time, he won't tackle and when there's a sniff of a chance then he is way off the pace.
Alfie Potter tries hard, but he isn't really a striker. That leaves the question of what he actually is. I'm not sure I can answer that.
Lewis Guy hasn't scored goals throughout his career, and he's not about to start now. Please send him back.
CW should get down on his bended knee, and beg Beano to stay. The bloke scores goals, is a focal point for the attack and defenders must hate playing against him. Even considering selling or (even worse) loaning him out is complete lunacy. If he had been playing today he WOULD have converted one of those early chances. Craddock would have done as well. The quicker he's back the better.
4-3-3 isn't working. No matter how fashionable it is, no matter how modern. We don't have the players for it. If the wing backs get forward the midfield doesn't cover the space. We get overrun in midfield. The three 'strikers' are too far apart - there's nobody to lay the ball off to or knock headers down to. Please please please try something different.
All that said, if we had played the first half with anything like the pace and forward momentum we managed in the second, it might have been a very different story!

Next up, Burton at home - the Bridle Bonanza game. I probably won't be there if my delayed family trip is rescheduled for next weekend. Don't worry, though. My season ticket will add a ghostly ZtH to the attendence figures. Save a foam hand for me!